Someone like you
by Beautiful27Tragedy
Summary: Jasper leads a miserable life. Can the boy he hates the most help him to get through it? E/J slash.
1. Ch 1  Mad World

****_This is my first attempt at writing a slash story (or writing in general) and I don't have a beta. And on top of it – English is not my first language – so please be kind. ;)  
><em>****

* * *

><p><strong>JPOV<strong>

My back hurts. I knew it. I knew I should have just kept my mouth shut but no, I had to shout back. After all these years I really should know better by now. NEVER argue with Dad when he's drunk and mad.

What a sad rhyme that makes.

And now here I am, standing in the bathroom of the art wing of our school, ditching sports because there's no way I could do anything at all today. I can hardly move and I had to sit like a soldier because I couldn't lean against the back of my chair.

I always come to this bathroom, it's the one with the least visitors, so I can be sure that I won't be interrupted while I exanimate my back.

The ointment, which I know is best for it (yes, at least something I learned over the years), is lying beside the sink. I'm turned with my back to the mirror, my Shirt is lifted up and I'm glancing over my left shoulder. Sighing I take in the image of the map of rage _he_ left on my back. A cruel painting of blue and violet bruises, mixed up with red welts is blooming on my back, starting from my shoulders running down my back and vanishing under the waistband of my faded blue jeans. Yep, it looks exactly how it feels - bad.

I look up and watch my eyes in the mirror. They are empty. It's the only word that comes to my mind. It makes me sad to look into my own eyes. I shake my head till my blond curls fall into my face and hide most part of them. Taking a deep breath my eyes go back to my task.

I hate him. God how I hate him.

But most of all I hate myself for letting him do this to me. I'm 17 years old for fuck's sake. Why? Why the hell does he hate me so much?

_You know why Jay._

Yes, because I killed mum. At least in his eyes.

My mother died when I was born and my father never recovered from this loss. He raised me with the help of his mother. But when grandma died too when I was twelve, my father just lost it. That's when it started, the drinking, the blaming, the yelling and the hurting. And when my Dad lost his Job two years later because of his drinking it got even worse. Over night he packed everything that fit in our car and we left Texas to end up here.

Here is Forks, Washington, the rainiest place on God's earth. At least it feels so. But I don't complain. If we were still living under the Texas sun I would have problems hiding my bruises without looking like a dork for wearing long sleeves in summer. Still, I miss Texas, the warmth, the smell. I promised myself that one day I'm gonna go back.

I'm so lost in thoughts that I don't hear the door open. What I hear though' is the gasp that follows. I jump almost 2 feet and frantically search in the mirror for the source of the noise and when I find him, I am the one who's gasping.

There he is.

Edward fucking Cullen.

Standing beside the door and starring at my back. Fucking great! Of all people he's definitely the last person I wanted to witness how fucked up my life is. He's the proto type of a spoiled, cocky rich kid who get's everything he wants and cares for no one except himself. He's a good looking Guy, ok, a damn hot looking guy with his fuck-me-hair, his green eyes, his kissable mouth and his killer body but therein lay the problem. He just knows how fucking good he looks and he totally uses this for his advantage. Everyone who meets him for the first time is absolutely in awe about his angelic face but believe me, that's just a façade. I know enough about the real Cullen, the rotten soul behind that sweet face to hate him to the core and stay as far away from him as I can. Personally I never got into a fight with him – physically or verbally – but that's just because he would never mess around with poor trash like me.

I let go of my shirt and turn to him.

He's gaping at my covered back in the mirror. I don't say anything. I don't know what. I'm so shocked to see him here that my mind is simply blank. His eyes move to mine, he swallows and opens his mouth to say something but I couldn't stand any spiteful remark right now, so I beat him.

"Fuck off Cullen." _Oh great Jasper, here we go again with the big mouth. Don't ya have enough bruises already? Don't ya ever learn?_

Everybody in this school, God, everybody in this fucking town knows better not to fuck with Cullen and his boys. And even though I managed to stay out of a fight till now, I'm sure I'm in for it as soon as I step out of school later.

But right now I couldn't care less. My back hurts and I just really want to get the ointment on so I can endure the last two classes.

My words must have shocked Edward. Anger flashes in his eyes. No one ever talks to him like that. But then the look changes into bewilderment, he blinks a few times, takes a step back, opens the door and leaves.

Huh? He just leaves? No yelling, no fighting, no killing me?

I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding and turn to the mirror again. I stare at myself in the mirror and I am sure, that when I get outta here, half the school will already know the news about the nerd who checks his bruises in the school bathroom.

I can feel the sting of tears in my eyes, treating to fall but I hold them back. I don't cry. Not where anyone can see. I won't show them. At least I will walk outta here with dry eyes!

Sighting I lift my Shirt again and reach for the ointment to finally get some on my back when I hear the door open again.

"For fuck's sake." I swear under my breath and again let go of my Shirt. Who's next? Why of all days does half the school have to come here today, when I need 5 minutes of privacy to get my shit done?

When I look up in the mirror I see Cullen again - walking straight up to me. And now I start to panic, I'm sure I have crossed a line by telling him to fuck off and now he is back to give me some more bruises to take care of. Maybe this time he brought his boys to help. Maybe I pissed him off just enough for them to finish me for good. An maybe that would be the best after all.

But as I watch him getting closer I realize, he's alone. He stops right behind me and looks me straight in the eyes through the mirror. My hands begin to sweat and I'm starting to shake. I don't know what to do now, all I know is, I can't stand to look in this piercing green eyes any longer. I lower my head and close my eyes, waiting for the punch, which will surely send me to the ground.

But what comes next makes me jump even more.

Soft fingertips are grazing carefully up the skin on my back, lifting my Shirt in the process. My eyes fly open and I watch his mirror image in horror.

What the fuck is he doing?

I start to turn but he keeps me in place with one hand on my shoulder. He tucks the hem of my shirt over my shoulders to keep it in place and leans closer to reach around me. I can feel the heat of his body on my back and my trembling gets worse as I watch his long, pale fingers grabbing the ointment. He pours some on his hand and starts to rub it gently between my shoulder blades.

I can't help myself and make a pathetic whimpering sound from the instant pain.

"Sorry" he says quietly and his next touch is even lighter than the first. He rubs the gel with feather light touches on every tortured inch of my back. The gel is cold and it feels so good on my burning back, his fingers are so soft, gently caressing my skin.

I close my eyes and secretly enjoy the feeling. When he comes to the worst part just above my waist, I grip the counter with both hands and another whimper escapes my lips before I can hold it back.

"I'm sorry." he whispers again.

"It's ok." I mumble under my breath and bite my lip so I hopefully won't do it again. I watch him from under my lashes. He's biting his lower lip too, his brows are furrowed in concentration and he has yet to look at me.

When he's finished he carefully lowers my Shirt and puts the lotion back besides the sink. He washes his hands and grabs a paper towel to dry them before he throws it in the bin. Then, for the first time since he started treating my back he lifts his gaze and meets mine in mirror.

"You would have never reached it all by yourself."

And with that he's gone.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Thank you for reading.<em>**


	2. Ch 2  You dont know my mind

_**Thank you all for your lovely response to my first writing attempt. I never thought I would get any response at all, so I'm really surprised and happy.  
><strong>_

_**I try to update once a week but like I said, English is not my first language so it takes a little longer to write down what's in my head. So please be patient with me =)**_

_**Since I don't have a beta, all mistakes are my own. **_

_**But now let's see what's going on in Edward's head**_

**EPOV**

_What the fuck?_

I'm standing in the doorway and can feel the blood draining from my face.

There he is – Jasper Whitlock, the most gorgeous creature on earth – standing in the bathroom of our art wing. His Ramones-Shirt is shoved up to his shoulders, leaving him standing half naked with his front turned towards me and his head turned over his shoulder so that I can only see a mess of blond curls. His jeans are hanging so dangerously low on his slim hips that I can see the short blond hairs trailing from his bellybutton down to vanish under the waistband. I take a look at his abs and water begins to pool in my mouth. His body is glorious. But all this glory is momentarily paling compared to the horrible picture that is defacing his back. Angry stripes and bruises are covering most of his back, reaching from his shoulders down to his jeans. Well, that's as far as I can see. Who knows what's hiding under his clothes. There's a tube of some gel lying by the sink and I guess he was about to put this on his wounds.

_His wounds. They are looking _so painful that I can barely keep myself together.

I must have made a noise because suddenly he's looking up and his eyes meeting mine in the mirror.

When he sees me his eyes widen in shock, he gasps, let go of his Shirt and turns around to face me. We're staring at each other and there are so many emotions crossing his face, I can barely keep up, before his eyes harden and his face turns to stone.

I don't know what to do. Part of me just wants to go, leave him alone and give him some privacy. The much bigger part of me though wants to run to him and cradle him in my arms.

His words though make the decision for me.

"Fuck off Cullen."

It takes a few seconds for the words to sink in. He just told me to fuck off. Wow, the boy got some balls. No one ever said that to me. I almost snicker but then I see his face and it's furious. He's serious, he wants me gone. Instantly I feel bad, his words are hurting and making me angry me at the same time. Hurting because they are spoken with so much venom in them, it clearly shows how much he hates me and anger because it is my fault that he sees me the way he does. I mean, I always knew he doesn't like me. Jasper Whitlock never makes a big deal of what he thinks of people. He isn't mean or anything; he just says what he's thinking, even if it's not a nice thing. But people always know where they are standing with him. And he showed me countless times what he thinks of me. Of course he never said a word to me. We never gave me more than an accidental glance in passing. But I'm still taking aback of how deep his hate for me seems to be.

I step back out of the bathroom and closed the door. But I don't move an inch further. I take a deep breath and lean my forehead against the door. I am so shocked by what I just saw. Who had the nerve to put his hands on this sweet boy and hurt him that bad?

_This gorgeous boy..._

He was the only one who managed to touch my rotten soul and all he had to do was walk into biology his first day at school. I was watching him as he entered the classroom, looking straight ahead, without even taking a glance at us, walking up to Mrs. Cope, our teacher. He wasn't as tall as me, I could tell. He was slim but not scrawny, wearing faded blue jeans and a white long sleeved shirt with some print on the front I couldn't make out. The skin on his face and hands was tanned he had blond curls which were falling softly down to his ears. Standing next to Mrs Cope he cached the sunlight, streaming through the windows and these blond curls and the white shirt made him look almost unreal, like an angel, glowing from the inside. I couldn't hear what Mrs Cope said to him but the answering smile he gave her took my breath away. It was full of warmth, dimples and sunshine.

"Class" Mrs. Cope announced us.

"This is Jasper Whitlock, he just moved here from Texas. Please …..."

Jasper. Jasper Whitlock. I didn't hear much after that.

While Mrs. Cope was talking he had turned his face to the class and finally I could see his eyes. Two deep pools of blue. I wanted to dive right into them.

I couldn't take my eyes off him. He was the most beautiful boy I've ever seen. I wanted to talk to him, to get know everything about him.

"You can sit beside Alice." Mrs. Cope said to him and pointed to the empty place beside Alice Brandon. Fuck, why wasn't the seat beside me free?

Jasper gave a short nod and a lopsided grin before he started walking down the aisle to the free place in the back. But when he was passing me he tripped over something and almost fell. In the last moment he caught himself with one hand at the edge of my table. Mike who was sitting next to me snorted and said _redneck_ before he snorted again. I hadn't take my eyes off Jasper and when he looked up at me his brows furrowed, his eyes narrowed and became cold. He thought it was me. I opened my mouth but he stood and went for his seat. And that was the beginning of the love-hate story between us. Him hating me and me... well, me not hating him.

Coming out of the memory I don't know what comes over me but the next thing I know is, I am opening the door again and walking right up to him. He's staring at me until I'm standing right behind him. I don't really know what to do so I just stare back at him. It looks like the fight that was in him just a few minutes ago has left him because he's starting to shake and right before he lowers his head I can see fear in his eyes. What does he think I'm gonna do? I'm wondering what is going on in his head. Does he think I'm gonna hit him? Does he really think that bad of me?

I sigh. I can't stand seeing him like this. My eyes again fall on the gel beside him and suddenly I know exactly what to do. Carefully I lift his Shirt up to his shoulders and tuck it over them so it won't fall back down. He tenses and starts to turn but I keep him in gently in place. I don't look up at his mirror image; I couldn't stand one more angry or worse fearful look from him. The fact that his trembling gets worse is bad enough. So instead I get the gel and as carefully as I can start to rub it into his back. He whimpers. Fuck, I didn't want to cause him more pain than he already is in.

"Sorry" I say. Biting my lip I try to get the gel on without any pressure of my fingers. I can barely look at cruel marks, disturbing his soft and creamy skin. I'm so angry and I'm biting my lip so hard that I worry I'll taste blood any second now. I want to ask who the hell did this to him but I know he won't answer me and maybe even get angry and not letting finish. So I keep my mouth shut and just concentrate on easing his pain. I lower my hands to a very red and painful looking weal and he whimpers again. From the corner of my eye I can see his left hand gripping the counter so hard his knuckles are turning white.

"I'm sorry." I say again.

"It's ok." he whispers and in his voice I can hear the strain it costs him to keep from doing more than just giving a small whimper.

Finally I covered everything I could reach. Carefully I lower his Shirt and step beside him to get some paper towels. I clean my hands from the rest of the gel and throw them in the bin. I take a deep breath and finally dare to look at him. The look on his face is a mixture of mistrust, amazement but most of all curiosity. I figure I owe him some sort of explanation.

"You would have never reached it all by yourself" is all I can say though my mind is screaming 'I_ can't stand to see you this hurt and I want to kill the fucker who's responsible for your pain'. _

I don't wait for his answer. I just turn and leave. I can't go back to class now so I turn to the right and head for the exit. When I pass a trash can I kick it as hard as I can. It flies across the hall, loosing all it's contents on the way and finally lands with a loud bang in the corner beside the exit. I don't give a shit. I'm so angry, I need some kind of release. When I get to my car I slam the door and turn the music on. Leaning my head against the headrest I close my eyes and think about what just happened and what I've just discovered. I don't know who did this to Jasper. I don't know what he thinks of me now. I don't know how I …. we will go on from here. All I know is that I have to help him, even if he doesn't want me to. Even if he hates me.

_**Thank you for reading. **_


	3. Ch 3 No tears for me

**Thank you all again for your reviews, I really appreciate them – a lot. I tried to write a longer chapter this time but as you can see – it didn't really work, at least not this time but I will keep trying ;)  
>No beta again –all mistakes are my own.<strong>

  
>Chapter 3<p>

**JPOV**

When the day's final bell rings I'm the first one up and out the door. My Dad is currently working for a cleaning company and won't be home till late in the evening. So I can't wait to get home, get some peace and be alone; to finally get my Shirt off and hide in my bed with a book and just forget this fucking day. Forget everything. My wounds, my Dad, my Life... Cullen.

_Cullen._

I'm still not over the whole bathroom incident. The rest of the day I tried not to think about him. Without any success of course. I can't believe what he did. How he behaved. It was so not him. I just don't know what to make of it. Even in my inner conversations I'm at loss for words. When he came back I was so sure that he would hit me, there was just no other option... except, there was. But how? Why? I mean, he even hit his best friend once and called him a fag, because he looked at him a second too long in the lockers after sport. This by the way is another proving why Cullen is a big asshole. He's a fucking homophobe and he hits people for being different. Though I don't think Mike is really gay. But that's not the point here. The point is that form the first day on, Cullen left nothing out to remember me how short minded he is.

I clearly remember my first day at school and the first time I laid eyes on Edward Cullen. I was walking in biology and while Mrs. Cope introduced me to class I took a quick glimpse around and my eyes immediately landed on him. He was sitting in the second row by the aisle. He was stunning. Tall - from what I could tell - lean, with a more than beautiful face, with high cheekbones, a straight nose, lush lips and the craziest hair I have ever seen. In this moment he licked his lips and left them shining so delicious, I had to swallow and look away. I raised my eyes and saw, that his eyes were on me, somewhere around my... groin? I immediately looked down at my shoes again. This couldn't be I must imagine things. This beautiful boy did not just check me out. Mrs. Cope rambled on from where I came from but I didn't listen. I also didn't dare to look at him again but I could still feel his eyes on me.

When Mrs. Cope told me where to sit I started walking toward my seat, which unfortunately wasn't beside him but when I was beside his table I stumbled over the backplane f the girl sitting across the aisle from him and I had to catch myself on the edge of his table to prevent myself from falling. I could already feel my cheeks getting red with embarrassment and then I heard it - a not so subtle snort and the word "Redneck" whispered loudly in a spiteful voice. I looked up and was met with the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. But unfortunately, just like these beautiful eyes belonged to the beautiful boy – so did the cruel words. And with that I erased his image from my brain and replaced it with a big blinking asshole sign. I gave him a unmistakable look which definitely told him that I heard everything and what I thought of him and went on to my seat.

And that's why there has to be a meaning behind his actions today. They were just too much out of character. Maybe he was just doing it to have something in his hand he could held against me. To make fun of me – as if there wasn't enough already. But then why did he help me? He could have just leave after he saw what was going on. He didn't have to help me first to make fun of me later. Argh, this whole brain-racking was fruitless and I was tired of trying to make sense of it. With my backpack in my arms I crossed the parking lot to make my way home – by feet. Yep, no car for me. I'm 17 years old and I have to walk. Sure I would love to have one but I don't have the money for it. I'm saving every dollar I earn at my job at Billy Black's painting and decorating company "Paint it Black" for colleague. And I'm sure it's pretty clear by now that I can't ask my Dad for it. So I walk.

When I see Cullen's stupid shiny silver Volvo I can't help myself, I have to roll my eyes. He of course got this car from his Dad for his 16th birthday – so I heard. Fits. I bet pretty rich boy never had to move a finger in his life to earn a dollar.

As I pass his car I see movement in the corner of my eye and when I turn my head I spot Cullen getting out and – again – walking toward me.

Fuck. I knew this was too good to be true. Now he's going to show his real face. Of course he would wait to get me outside of school to teach me a lesson about how to talk to him.

I pretend I don't see him and walk faster. But guess what, he won't have it.

"Jasper." he shouts.

_Jasper_? I can't remember one single time that he would have used my first name.

Again I pretend not to notice him and go on walking a little faster.

"Jasper" I can hear his feet on the pavement, picking up pace as well until he's walking right next to me.

Please God, haven't you left any mercy for me today?

Okay then, I have to face him anyway and so I stop abruptly and look at him. He takes one more step and then stops too, turning to face me.

I grip my backpack a little harder and look him straight in the eyes.

"What do you want? Payment for your help?" _Where the hell is this stupid courage suddenly coming from? I'm really asking for it lately._

He just looks at me, doesn't say anything. I must have surprised him again – I mean, he looks surprised and... is that hurt I see in his eyes? No, never. Edward Cullen doesn't have any feelings which I could hurt. My tired eyes are playing tricks at me I'm sure.

He still isn't saying anything and I'm getting a little frustrated with the whole situation. I sigh and decide to tell him that I won't take part in whatever game he's playing.

"Look Cullen..."

"Edward."

"What?"

"My name is Edward."

I'm sure I must look like I've been hit by a truck cause I really don't get this guy. Is he serious? Whatever, I don't care. I have enough.

"Fine then, _Edward_. Look, it was very nice of you to help me out today and I'm thankful for that but I know what you and your friends really think of me. I'm the poor trash, the son of a alcoholic father without a real job, the redneck from Texas who only came here for your entertainment because it's just too easy to make fun of me. But whatever game you're playing now, I won't be part of it because you know what, I already have enough shit to deal with, obviously, and I'm not in the mood to be at the receiving end of one of your sick jokes. I'm sure you already had a lot of fun with your guys about what you saw today and I'm also sure I'm gonna hear a lot of it the next days – just not right now. Because right now all I want is to get my poor trashy ass home and lick my wounds. So maybe you can do the pathetic joke ….one last favour and leave me the fuck alone." My voice is trembling from fear, anger, exhaustion and restrained tears. But I don't give a shit anymore. I look him straight in fucking green his eyes, waiting for his next move but I don't really care. I don't care if he hits me. I don't care if he laughs at me. I don't care if he screams at me and tells this whole fucking town what a pitiful specimen of man I am. I just don't care. I'm at done. I turn around and start to walk away because I can already feel the tears welling up and I would never forgive myself for crying like a sissy in front of Edward Cullen.

I'm only two steps away when I hear him mumbling.

"I don't."

Angry I wipe a stray tear from my face and turn around. His head is hanging and he is looking at the ground.

"You don't what?" I ask, my voice more steady than I thought it would be.

"I don't think you're trash."

And that's just it. I start running. I don't care if I look like a girl, running off like that; I just have to get away. I run as fast as I can with my backpack pressed to my chest and the pain in my back. I run until I reach our house. I'm long time out of breath and my lungs are burning but I don't stop until I'm in my room. I close the doorand lock it. I throw my backpack in the corner, rip my shirt of and fall face down on my bed. I cradle my pillow in my arms and can already see tiny wet drops on it from the tears which started running down my face the second I turned away from him. When I bury my face in it I can no longer hold it in and my body starts shaking with uncontrollable sobs.

I cry until I fall asleep.


	4. Ch 4 Out of my mind

_**First of all – a big thank you to dazzlingrockstar for pre-reading this chapter and for the great advises! =)**_

_**So….is there anyone still with me? Sorry that it took me so long to update but I was totally blocked. I hope it's better now and the next chapter will be finished next week.**_

**JPOV**

I wake up to find my room in darkness. I turn towards my beside table and switch on the light. I take a look at my cell... 02:15am.

Great. I slept the whole evening away.

I missed my Dad arriving home but, right now, I'm kind of thankful for that. To see the regret in his eyes and the way he can barely look at me, after what he did, it's almost worse than the beating itself. That is, if he can even remember what happened. It depends on the drunken level he was in.

My belly rumbles and I realize how hungry I am. No big surprise there, considering that the last thing I ate was a lousy pop tart this morning.

I get up and quietly open my door. I take a step into the hall and listen carefully for any sound.

Nothing.

I walk down the stairs and when I pass the living room on my way to the kitchen, I see a flickering light coming from the living room.

I slowly walk into the room to find my Dad asleep on the sofa. The television is running and three empty bottles of beer are on the table. Well... that was a light evening.

I take a look at my Dad. He is snoring softly and almost looks peaceful in his sleep – apart from the deep lines on his face which, were created by years of sorrow and worrying.

I take the woolen blanket from the end of the couch and carefully drape it over him.

I glance at the T.V. and a re-run from Lost is on. I sigh heavily. I wouldn't mind getting lost on some Island. Grabbing the remote I turn it off and continue on my way into the kitchen.

In the fridge, I find the remains of yesterday's pizza and a soda. I prefer a cold, one day old pizza to a fresh, hot one anytime so, this works perfectly for me.

I make my way back to my room and devour the pizza and soda in no time. Once I'm done, I think that it's time to take a look at my back again and walk to the bathroom next to my room.

When I prepare to put the gel on my skin, my mind wanders back to Cullen or Edward, as he introduced himself, and the way he behaved today. The way he talked to me. The way he treated me. The way he actually took care of me. The way his soft fingers caressed my skin.

Don't go there.

_I won't._

You're already doing it.

I just can't help myself. His fingers felt so good on me, even though the procedure itself was hurting... And the way he smelled...

I feel myself getting hard and I groan.

_Enough._

I start to wonder how his fingers would feel on other parts of my body.

_Jasper!_

How they would feel tracing down my chest, caressing my nipples on their way down... how they would wander down my happy trail... and finally, how they would feel wrapped around my dick.

_Stop it now!_

His long fingers slowly start to stroke my rigid cock. His palm, twisting over the sensitive head every now and again.

_Aw, fuck it!_

I reach into my pants and pull out my now, aching cock. Slowly, I start stroking it, just like I imagine he would do it. I picture his long, pale and perfect fingers playing with me and I can already feel my abs starting to tighten. I close my eyes and brace myself with one hand on the sink.

_Are we really going there? Jerking one off to the picture of Edward Cullen?._

"Edward." I moan and start to stroke myself faster.

I fantasize at how he would look at me with those deep, green eyes. How his warm breath would tickle my ear, making me shiver as he asks me, "Are you close, Jasper?"

I am close.

He would run his free hand through my hair and tug at it gently, causing my head to fall back so that he could nibble on my throat. He would run his nose from my collarbone up to the sensitive spot behind my ear, inhale my musky scent. I can almost feel his breath on my skin, his tongue, when it comes out to lick my neck.

I shiver and increase the speed of my hand, tightening the grip around my leaking cock. I'm close... so fucking close... And he would know that. He would press himself against me, using his hot body to keep me in place against the cool sink.

I swipe my thumb over the slit and spread my pre-cum. I groan wantonly at the sensation.

"Do you like that. Jasper?" I can hear him whisper seductively into my ear.

Unable to use my voice, I would only nod, making him chuckle and run his hand from my hair, down to my ass, squeezing it and pressing me harder into him. He would suck my earlobe into his mouth, hard and moan around it, whispering, "Cum for me, Jasper."

And I do. The sound of his sultry voice and talented hand push me over the edge.

With a long moan, I cum all over my hand and stomach. My legs are trembling and I can barely breathe fast enough to get enough air into my lungs. I slit beside the sink and lean my shoulder against the wall, trying to regain my senses.

When I eventually recover, I pull my jeans off, wash myself and clean the mess I made. I brush my teeth and, finally, get some gel on my back.

I don't want to think about what I just did but, there's no use in sugar-coating things. I jerked off to fucking Edward Cullen and I enjoyed every second of it. End of story.

I brace my hands on the sink and let my head hang between my shoulders.

I can't believe I did that...

I lift my eyes and look at myself in the mirror.

_What the fuck is wrong with you, Jasper? Are you out of your mind?_

I sneer at myself and the pathetic creature I am. My Dad was right.

I can't bear to look at myself any longer, so I turn off the light and go back to bed. I turn off my beside lamp and stare into the darkness.

This was definitely the lowest moment of my day.

Still, the last thing I think of before sleep claims me are his green eyes.

_**Thank you for reading. =)**_


	5. Ch 5 Rumour has it

**No beta today - please be kind ;)  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

He ran away. Without a word he turned and ran away from me. Like I slapped him in the face or something.

It hurts to see him like that.

I knew he must have some wounds – not the one he is caring on his back – but emotional wounds. I just never realized how deep they are running.

He always seems so strong, so indifferent about what other people say. Every time he sits alone at lunch, every time someone makes one of these stupid redneck-jokes or laughs at him for no reason at all, every time someone "accidentally" jostles against him so he drops his books, he looks like he doesn't give a shit.

But I'm starting to realise that this is a just a façade. A wall he had built to protect himself.

If I would only know who beat the shit out of him. I don't think it was one of the guys at school, I would have heard about that. He's getting picked on a lot in school but so far no one has physically harmed him.

So it must be someone else. I don't know if Jasper knows many people outside of school and he has no brothers, he only lives with his Dad. His Dad….. oh please no! If it's really Jasper's Dad then I don't know how to help him. Not that he would want my help anyway.

But I can't just stand beside and watch how he's loosing a battle he shouldn't have to fight to begin with. There must be a way.

I sigh and walk back to my car.

When I get inside I just sit there. I can't get his expression out of my head. The way he looked at me. As if I was mocking him. Does he think what I did today was nothing but a big joke? Does he really think that bad of me? That I care so less about people? That I want him to get hurt? That I'm like all the others?

But what have I done in the past to prove that I'm not like them?

_Nothing_.

My stomach turns into a tight knot. If I would only know how to reach him. How to prove that I'm not playing with him and that I really wanna help him.

A knock on my window startles me from my thoughts.

Alice.

"Hey in there, I'm knocking for 2 minutes now. What were you thinking about...or should I say who?" She questions while jumping in.

"Hi Alice, come in, why don't you? Want me to drive you home?

"That my dearest Edward would be so nice of you."

I have to smile at her ever present high spirits and start the car.

"So tell me."

"Tell you what?" I ask when I turn out of the parking lot onto the street.

"Edward, you know better than to play dumb with me. I saw you talking to him, you know. I'm just wondering what you said that made him running for the hills."

_If I would only know. _

"I don't know Alice, I just wanted to talk him."

"About what?"

"Gee, curious much, Alice?"

"Com on, you know you wanna tell me. I know you like him and I'm sure you want to do more than just talking to him."

"Alice please, I just want to help him, ok? He just seems so… so lost. No one in school talks to him and most of the guys – and girls – are picking on him. It's just not fair you know. I couldn't live without a friend and somehow I had this stupid idea that maybe I could help him and… you know, be his friend."

"Maybe he's not ready yet to receive help."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Well, some people need to reach a certain point like a breaking point until they realize that they can't go on by themselves and that it's not a shame to ask for help. Maybe Jasper isn't there yet. Just be patient and show him that you're serious about helping him."

"I tried that and then he ran off. I have no idea how to approach him without scaring him off again."

"Just be patient, Jasper is a smart guy, he'll figure it out. I'm sure everything will turn out fine. Thanks for the ride home. See you tomorrow Eddy-boy." She gives me a kiss on the cheek and jumps out of the car.

I watch her till she's in side, then I turn the car and head for home.

I just hope Alice is right.

The next day in school he ignores me completely. Though that shouldn't surprise me, since he always ignores me, I somehow thought that, after yesterday, he would at least admit that he knows I'm in the same room.

But maybe he's still embarrassed about what I saw. God, I wish I could help him. But if Alice is right then I have to be patient and give him time and room - which doesn't makes it easier or me.

I want to help him now, I want to get to know him now.

I gaze at him the same moment he looks up at me. The second our eyes meet his head drops back down and his cheeks turn a dark shade of pink.

God he looks even more gorgeous with that blush. I smile, thinking about him blushing for other reasons.

When he looks up again and realizes that I'm still looking his expression becomes angry and his mouth turns into a thin line.

_Fuck. Way to go Cullen. Now he thinks you're a creepy stalker or something._

I deter myself from looking back again and succeed for about 15 minutes until I can't hold myself back any longer and chance another glance. His head is down, the curls on his left side hiding half of his face like a curtain, while the ones on the right side are tugged back behind his ear. He's scribbling something in his notebook and there are lines of concentration on his forehead while his lower lip is tugged between his teeth.

_Adorable. _

I wonder what he's scribbling.

* * *

><p><strong>JPOV<strong>

I can't look him in the eyes, not even in his direction, not after what I did last night. Jesus, what was I thinking? I feel like it's written all over my forehead – 'I jerked off to thoughts of Edward Cullen'. I know it's childish but I can't help myself. I'm too embarrassed.

_But it felt so good._

Yes it did.

I sigh and the girl sitting before me - Lauren I think – turns her head and looks at me curious. I give her my best what-the-fuck-is-your-problem-look and she turns back ahead.

Why can't I stop thinking about him? It's almost like I can feel his presence and it makes my skin crawl.

He is sitting 2 rows before me, 2 places to the right, next to Alice Brandon. I don't dare looking at him but every now and then I can feel his eyes on me. Or maybe I'm just getting crazy after all.

I'm still wondering if he told anyone. No one has said anything to me – yet. And there's this dangerous little feeling called hope growing inside of me, that maybe he really kept his word.

Unintentionally I look in his direction and fall head first into his deep green eyes.

He's watching me.

I feel my cheeks heat up and quickly avert my eyes. Great, the one and only time I dare a peek he catches me.

But why is he even looking at me?

When I chance a second glance he is still watching me, only this time he is smiling. What that fuck? I frown and raise one eyebrow at him in challenge.

His smile falters and he turns his head back to the front.

I sigh again. This is going to be a long day.

At lunch I sit at the table in the corner – as usual. Alone – as usual. But I like it that way. When no one cares about you, no one can asks questions either, right?

A loud laugh comes from Cullen's table. As always he sits together with McCarthy, Newton, Biers and James Hunter. The elite of Forks' high school.

I ignore the people around me and hide my face in my book when suddenly someone places a tray across from mine.

Surprised I look up – no one ever sits at my table.

It's Alice Brandon. She smiles at me and sits down, rearranging the items on her tray before picking up a sandwich and looking at me with curious eyes.

"Hi there, Jasper. Such a lovely weather today, isn't it? Aren't you hungry? You haven't touched your food at all. God, I'm starving, I could eat ten of these babies." she takes a bite of her sandwich, chews two times and swallows before taking another bite. Seriously, the way this girl looks you would think, she wouldn't eat at all.

"What are you reading there? Oh, House of Leaves, I read that too. Isn't it scary that the way the house changes, seems to depend on the person who is in it? I wonder how big it would be if I would enter it. Don't you-"

"Did Cullen send you?" I interrupt her.

"What makes you think that?" she asks and takes another bite of her sandwich.

I just shrug and go on reading, pretending she's not there in hope to bypass her chattering.

"Any plans for college yet?"

Obviously it doesn't work. "What's it to you?"

"I was just wondering. You're pretty smart from what I hear. Do you have a girlfriend?"

Her change of topics is giving me a whiplash.

"Excuse me?"

"Well I'm just wondering. You're a good looking guy, you know."

"Thanks."

"So do you?"

"No." I mutter.

"How come?"

"How come you don't have a boyfriend?" Grandma always told me to be polite, especially to women but hey, this girl is really starting to get on my nerves.

"Is that an offer?" she asks smiling.

"Certainly not."

"Well, I didn't think so." she answers, her smile becoming even wider.

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"Nothing really. I just didn't think that I'm your type, that's all."

The way she looks at me tells me that she knows more than she let's on. _Shit_.

If she's going to tell anyone my days at school will turn into the same hell that they are at home.

"He's not as bad as you think, you know?" she goes on between chewing.

"Who the hell are ya talkin' about?" I'm getting angry and scared which makes my accents comes out on full force.

"Oh come on, you know who I'm talking about." She winks at me – fucking winks at me.

I try to keep the façade up as long as I can and pretend to have no clue.

"I'm talking about Edward of course." She says and rolls her eyes.

I can't help myself, I have to snort at that "Yeah, right."

"You shouldn't believe everything you hear you know."

"I heard enough with my own ears to know the truth." I spat. With that I grab my book and leave the cafeteria, having lost an appetite the wasn't even there in the first place.

I'm just at my locker, proceeding to get the books I need when I hear Newton's voice behind me, much too close for my liking.

"Look who we have here, if that isn't Jasper Whitlock, Mr. Redneck himself."

I turn around one second before he shoves me back with both hands. Immediately tears are springing to my eyes as my still sore back slams hard into the locker.

I'm breathless from the pain for a second as I look up at Newton who's has his hands pressed against my shoulders. Behind him are Hunter and Black, both with an evil grin plastered on their ugly faces.

"Oh, is the little girl going to cry now? You're such a fairy, Whitlock." Mike sneers at me and grabs my shirt by the collar.

"Let go." I say, trying to give my voice as much force as I can.

Ignoring my demand he goes on "So Whitlock, I heard a little story about you and I'm here to see if it's true."

I can feel the colour leaving my face. What is he referring to? Who did talk – Cullen or Alice? Either would be horrible.

"I heard that you've grown a pair of wings – fairy wings. Why don't you take off your shirt and show us how they glitter?"

Fuck. What am I gonna do now?

I turn my head and see Cullen heading in our direction, his eyes are stormy and he looks furious. But when he's next to Mike his voice is calm and steady.

"Hey Mike, could you spare me a sec?" he asks, his eyes never leaving mine.

"Hold on Ed, I'm kinda busy here." Mike growls back, shoving me harder against the lockers. I wince at the pain in my back and I can feel a traitor tear running down my cheek.

"Come on man, I need ya." Edward insists, tugging on Newton's right arm.

"Fine." Mike growls but then he pulls me forward only to shove me one last time.

This time I can't keep myself from whimpering when my poor back once again hits the hard metal of the lockers.

"You're such a fag Whitlock." Mike spits into my face and takes a step back, joining in on the laugher of Jakob and James.

"Takes one to know one." I snap back and the last thing I see is Mike Newton's ugly face, turning into an evil grimace before everything goes black.

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry, that it took me so long to update. For those who are still with me – thank you for reading. Please let me know what you think. =)<strong>


	6. Ch 6 I'm so cold from fear

**_Thank you for the wonderful reviews and for still beeing with me after all this time! =)  
><em>**

**_No beta, please be kind._ **

* * *

><p>I'm woken by a slap on the cheek and a hissed 'Alice, what the fuck?' coming from somewhere behind me.<p>

"Ouch". I touch my slightly burning cheek and squeeze my eyes open, trying to focus on the person in front of me.

_Oh my God, it's her again._

This someone behind me chuckles while Alice is looking at me with a mixture of amusement and frustration.

Oops, I must have said that out loud.

"It was the only way to wake you up, sleeping beauty." Alice explains "Or did you rather want me to wake you with a kiss?"

"Hell no." I say and turn my head away. Looking around I realize that we're in one of the school bathrooms. I'm lying on the ground with something stuffed under my head for a pillow and Alice sitting in front of me, beaming like a child on Christmas morning. I tell ya, there's something wrong with that girl.

"What happened?" I croak. My head throbs and the left side of my face is burning. My left eye hurts too and as I lift my hand to check it I come in touch with something fluffy, wet and cold and a hand on top of it that doesn't belong to me.

"What…?"

"We put a towel on your eye to minimize the swelling, Rocky." Alice amusement seems to know no boundaries.

"Newton seems to have given you a pretty hard blow which knocked you out immediately. I heard you fell like a sand sack to the ground and then -" this someone behind me clears his / her throat "... and then we brought you here to take care of you." Alice continues cryptically.

Right, Mike Newton. Mike Newton and the rumours he heard…. "Did you say anything to him, Alice?" I hiss.

Her face gets serious for the first time since I woke up and she looks almost angry. "OK, I know you don't know me but just to make one thing clear, I'm never giving away secrets, I don't betray and Mike Newton has yet to hear the first two words from me. I didn't tell anyone anything, believe me Jasper."

And for some reason, I believe her.

I touch the towel again and cringe when it rubs against my sensitive skin below. Great, just what I needed, another part of my body that hurts.

"Don't worry sweetie, it's not that bad, you'll still be an eye catcher." This time she giggles at her own joke and I'm starting to wonder if maybe she need professional help.

"Yeah, sure." I sigh and place my hand on the cold towel. Slowly I get up into a sitting position, turn half around and lean against the cold bathroom wall with my eyes closed. Everything is spinning and I feel dizzy.

Then it occurs to me – who is _we_?

I open my right eye and as if my day couldn't get anymore worse, right beside me sits Edward Cullen. I blush when I realize that my head has been resting on is legs, more precisely, his upper thights.

I groan, grab my books which is lying beside Edward and try to get up but as soon as I'm in a standing position I feel light-headed and begin to stagger. Edward jumps up and wraps an arm around my waist to steady me. His body is too close, I can feel the heat coming off of him and it's getting too much. Looking at my shoes I clear my throat mumbling a barely audible 'Thank you' and wiggle out of his almost-embrace. He lowers his arm immediately and clears his throat again. I brace myself with one hand against the wall and look from Edward to Alice who still has this creepy smile on her face.

After a few moments of awkward silence I decide that I've had enough for one day and gonna skip the few classes left. I need my bed. Badly.

"I guess I better get home now." I'm starting to push myself off the wall and head in the direction of the door when a hand around my upper arm and a little devil in front of me are keeping me from achieving my aim.

"Seriously Jasper, you can't walk all the way home... alone." Alice face is right in front of me, looking at me like I've lost my mind. I have to admit, this woman is kinda beautiful in spite of her pushiness.

"Well, it's not like I could call someone to pick me up. So unless I wanna spend the night here, I have to walk."

"I could drive you." Edward murmurs beside me.

"Fine, then that's settled." Alice beams again and without giving me time to decline, she links her arm with mine and shoves me through the door.

"Hey wait a sec, I didn't say yes." I protest.

"Oh please Jasper, be reasonable. You need a ride home and Edward offers to give you one. Where's the problem?"

_The problem is that I don't wanna be this close to him._

"I...I.."

"Excellent, let's go."

And that's how I find myself 10 minutes later in the passenger's seat of Edward Cullen's stupid shiny Volvo.

"So…I guess you don't need direction's?"

"Uhm, no."

Of course not. In this damn town everybody knows where everybody lives.

And there it was again, that awkward silence.

I lean my head against my window and watch the streets and houses flying by. How I wish we would still live in Texas. I miss the sun and the heat and the smell.

"How's your eye doing?" his words effectively interrupting my little pity-party.

"Hurt's a little."

"And how's your... your back?" It almost sounds like he's afraid to ask.

"S'okay."

"I'm sorry that this happened." I don't know if he's referring to my eye or my back so I just nod when his eyes are leaving the road for a second to look at me.

I have to admit he looks sincere, like he really cares. _Could that be_?

When he lifts an eyebrow I realize that I'm starring at him and immediately turn my head to look out of my window.

I remember what I did last night and suddenly the car becomes too small. I can feel him sitting there beside me. I hear him breathing and his clothes rustling with his moving. But worst of all, I can smell him and God does he smell good. I carefully take a deep breath and immediately curse myself for it because now I can feel my jeans getting tighter.

_Oh no no no no, what are you doing Jasper?_

I cautiously shift around in my seat and place my book on my lap, trying to hide the bulge in my pants. Fuck, it's getting hot in here.

Edward gives me a side glance and once again I feel myself blushing.

"Are you ok over there?"

"Yeah, sure." I answer curtly. I need to distract him somehow.

"Why were you starring at me in history?" _Was that the best you could come up with, Jasper?_

"Uhm, I just wanted to make sure that you're ok, you know, because of yesterday."

"Oh."

"Listen Jasper, I... I know it sounds lame but I really am sorry. No one should get hurt like you did and I'm really... I... I wish I could help you. I know you probably don't want any help, much less mine and I know we're no friends – rather far from it but maybe we could... we..." He takes a deep breath before he goes on in a whisper "Believe me, I just want to help you Jasper."

I never saw Edward Cullen at a loss for words. Never. I almost have to chuckle at that. But this whole situation isn't funny at all and I'm feeling like I'm slowly loosing control and I have to be even more careful now.

"I don't trust you."

"I know." he sighs and these are the last words spoken. The silence between us is heavy and I'm actually glad when we're finally reaching my so called home.

"Do you want me to help you inside?"

"No! I mean….you don't need to, I'm fine." I practically jump out of his car and run to the door. I don't even say goodbye to him. I just go inside and once again run to my room, close the door and throw myself on the bed.

I'm starting to wonder if I will ever get home with a smiling face.

The next day in school I feel horrible about how I left Edward the other day. I didn't even say thank you. It was very nice of him to drive me home, I could at least thank him for that. He said he wanted to help me and he did and I haven't been very grateful till now.

So at lunch I make the decision to catch up on him and be the polite southern boy Grandma would be proud of.

I spot him at his usual table only this time the only one sitting with him is Riley Biers. I'm on my way over to him when I see Newton heading in my direction. I pause, having no idea what to do now. I'm getting nervous and start looking around for an escape. He almost reached me, only 2 or 3 feet left and then – he simply walks past me, without even looking at me.

_More than strange._

But that's not what astonishes me the most. What really shocks me is what I saw in his face.

Mike Newton is sporting a first class black eye. _What the fuck?_

"Told you he's a good guy."

_Huh?_

I swirl around, already knowing who will be there.

Alice - of course.

"Oh, hi Alice, I… I didn't see you, I was…I just saw... Who the hell gave Mike Newton a black eye?"

"What do you think, silly? Edward did that."

* * *

><p><strong><em>Soooo, what do you think about Edward? Let me know =)<em>**


	7. Ch 7 I really want you to really want me

**EPOV**

I softly caress Jaspers hair, wiping a wayward curl from his forehead. I know he wouldn't like me doing this but I can't resist. He looks so peaceful and carefree lying with his head in my lap.

Alice rummages through my sports bag till she finds a clean towel, which she wets under the cold water before handing it to me, however not without rolling her eyes when she sees what I'm doing.

"He'd hate you for that, you know?"

Bypassing an answer I gently press my wet towel to his eye, hoping that it won't swell to much.

When I think about what Mike did I could go out there and knock him out of his shoes again. I don't like violence – at all – and personally I never thought I would even be able to slap someone, much less in the face. But he hit him. The bastard hit him. And when Jasper fell unconscious to the ground and Mike lifted his feet to kick him I saw red.

I can feel myself getting angry again. If I would only have been there earlier he wouldn't have been able to put his hands on Jasper at all.

I look at Alice but she's busy trying to wake Jasper by tapping at his shoulders and saying his name again and again, each time little louder. When I look back at him I see that my hand has moved to his right cheek, my thumb unconsciously caressing his skin.

I turn the towel over so that the cooler side is on his face. His left cheek is red and swollen and the tender skin under his eye is already starting to turn all shades of green and blue.

I want to lean down and kiss it all better.

_Slap_

"Alice, what the fuck?" And now _she_ hit him.

"Ouch" thank God, Jasper's waking up. He opens his good eye and looks around, making me chuckle when he mumbles something about that it's Alice again.

When he lifts his hand to his face and accidentally touches mine, my skin feels like it's on fire in spite of the cold towel and my heart definitely has trouble to keep his steady rhythm.

He's talking to Alice but I barely listen, I'm lost in his voice and how his mouth moves, how his soft looking lips wrapping themselves lazily around each word, letting them sound almost sinful with his southern accent. I could listen to him for hours but he suddenly moves and sits up against the wall I'm leaning on. And the high I felt from his touch is forgotten as soon as his face falls when he sees me.

_Come on Edward, what did you expect?_

He's trying to get up but he's too weak and tumbles, barely keeping balance. I jump up to steady him but he squirms out of my half-embrace and moves away from me. I sigh internally and tell myself to give him time – and space. But when he tells us he wants to walk home alone in his condition, I have to restrain myself from wrapping my arms back around him to keep him from doing just that.

_Fuck the rest of the school day, I'm not letting him walk home alone._

I offer to drive him home and even though I know he doesn't want to, Alice somehow convinces him to accept.

I love Alice!

He still looks a bit dizzy but manages to walk to my car on his own.

Alice says goodbye, winking at me and giving me the thumbs up before walking back to school.

Silly girl.

During the whole drive Jasper is shifting nervously beside me. He can't seem to sit still. Maybe his back is hurting too much to lean against it. I ask if he's ok and of course he says yes. I already figured out that Jasper would never admit that he's not ok.

He asked me why I stared at him in history. I have to think about that for a moment and what I answer is not a total lie but not the whole truth either. But I can't tell him the truth. Not now and maybe never.

He tells me he doesn't trust me and even though I already knew that it hurts to hear him saying it out loud.

When he practically jumps out of my car and runs to his house my hope of becoming friends with him drops to zero.

I don't know how long I sit in my car, starring at Jaspers front door until I pick myself up and drive home.

As soon as I get in I make a bee line for the kitchen to put some ice on my hand. My knuckles are red and hurting like hell. How can that shit hurt so much? I go up to my room to listen to some music, thinking about what Jasper might be doing right now.

My knuckles are still red at dinner even though I spent the whole afternoon with the icepack on them.

I can see my dad looking at my hand more than once but he doesn't say anything. He glances at my mother who has one eyebrow lifted, he discretely shakes his head and mom continues with her meal. My parents trust me to come to them when something's wrong and I need help.

I bet dad already examined my hand with his eagle-doctor eyes and came to the conclusion that it will be fine. So he doesn't pry.

I love my dad!

When I go to bed I can't fall asleep. I lie awake and think of Jasper and the kind of person he is. He's definitely a very proud person. He would never come to me and ask for help. Maybe I should offer it to him again and again until he realizes that I'm serious. But what if I scare him further away with that? He's such a complex person, I don't know how to handle him without loosing... well, something I don't even have.

I turn onto my stomach and bury my hands under my pillow. If I would just know how to solve the riddle that is Jasper Whitlock.

* * *

><p><strong><em>I know this one is short but the next chapter is almost done so it should be up tomorrow. Maybe there will be some alone time for the two boys. ;)<em>**


	8. Ch 8 Maybe

**Because maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me**

* * *

><p><em><strong>JPOV<strong>_

He. Did. What?

I'm sure I'm looking like a fish with my mouth hanging open and my eyes open wide, gaping at Alice as if she just told me that the Beatles are having a reunion..

I turn toward Edward's table and he's looking at me with an worried expression.

Alice starts talking to me but I don't listen, I just leave her standing and walk over to Edward, his face turning more anxious with every step I take.

When I reach him I take a short glance at Riley and he's watching me with a curious but friendly expression.

I turn my attention back to Edward, jumping a little when I discover that he got up and is now standing only a few inches away from me

"Can I talk to you for a second?"

He nods solemnly and I turn and walk out of the cafeteria, certain that he's following me. I walk outside and to the back of the school where there won't be any prying eyes at this time.

He leans against the wall while I'm pacing a furrow into the grass, thinking about what to say.

When I stop in front of him and open my mouth I have no idea what will come out until I hear it.

"Why did you do this?"

"He hit you. And I don't like people hitting other people."

"That's why you went and hit him?" I can hear the disbelieve and anger in my voice. I don't know why I feel so disappointed.

"No. Yes. No." He sights and his gaze drops to his shoes. "That's not the reason."

"Then what is the reason?"

"I didn't want you to get hurt." he mumbles.

"Why?" I ask softly.

He lifts his eyes and they are bottomless – green and deep and …. sincere. And they're looking straight to the very core of my soul. For a moment I'm trapped in these green pools of his until he blinks and slightly shakes his head as if readjusting his thoughts.

"I told you before, I hope we could be friends."

"Is this out of pity?"

"What? No! What makes you think that?"

"Well Edward, for the start, you never cared for me up until a few days ago when you discovered me in the bathroom. And all of a sudden you want to be my friend. You hit _your_ _friends_ – because of _me_. Me. Me, the one you never talked to before. And I'm sorry but no matter how hard I try I can't wrap my head around it. I just can't find another reason."

The look in his eyes is getting harder, livid and for one second I'm afraid that I'm actually right.

"I like you, is that so hard to understand? Is that so hard to believe?" he... his voice angry and sad at the same time. "I don't want to be friends with you out of pity. What kind of friendship would that be? What kind of person do you think I am?"

Unconsciously we have changed places, I'm leaning against the wall now while he's pacing in front me, his hands in his hair, making an even bigger chaos mess of his coppery mess. His voice is low, he sounds almost helpless when he goes on.

"I don't like how most of the people in this school are treating you and Mike has always been an asshole. I don't like such a behaviour and I'll never tolerate it, even if he's one of my so-called friends. "

His next steps are taking him right in front of me and he looks at me with pleading eyes.

"Jasper, I just want you to know that I never hit a person before. I don't like violence. And I'm sorry that it took me so long to interfere. And... and I want to be your friend."

Speechless I just stare at him for long moments, thinking about his words and and the meaning behind them. I feel overwhelmed so I close my eyes for a few seconds to gather my thoughts. When I open them search his eyes and with little smile, I nod.

"Thank you."

When school is over I gather my stuff, ready to go home but when I step out the door I grumble because it started raining again. It's not much but enough for me to be soaking wet by the time I arrive at home.

Well, sulking won't help me here, so I pull up the hood of my sweater and with my head down I'm on my way.

I only walked a few steps when suddenly a car honks and stops next to me.

It's Edward, he has the window of the passengers side rolled down and is leaning across the seat.

"Hey." he smiles.

"Hi." is my brilliant answer.

"Would you like a ride home." He looks almost shy, looking up at me through his long lashes.

"Oh I errr..."

"Come on Jasper, you'll get wet to the bones."

_Yes, come on Jasper, you know you want to._ Yes but I shouldn't. _Why?_ Well because... _Yeah?_ Oh fuck off. _Hahaha._

"Uhm yes, ok, if it doesn't steal too much of your time."

"Of course not." the door opens and he leans back to his seat, making room for me to get in. I carefully lean against the seat and get the seatbelt on. He pretends to fiddle with the radio but I see him glancing at me a few times. I sigh because he knows why I have to move so carefully.

"Thank you."

"No problem, Jasper."

"And uhm, I'm sorry but I totally forgot to thank you for the ride yesterday. So – thank you for that too. That... that was very nice of you."

He smiles at me. "You're welcome, Jasper."

The rest of the drive is silent. I find myself once again leaning with my head against the window, thinking about what happened today, what happened yesterday. Jesus, is it only 2 days ago that Edward found me in the bathroom? I can't believe how much things changed since then. I'm sitting in Edward Cullen's car - again. Because he offered me to dive me home - again. He want's to be friends with me. Even though I'm not sure about that particular part yet.

I haven't noticed that we're there until Edward clears his throat. I unbuckle my seatbelt and open the door.

"Thank you again for the ride Edward, I really appreciate that. I see you tomorrow."

I get out and run to the door to avoid getting wet. I'm about to get in when I hear Edward running towards me. I turn to him, wondering what he wants.

When he's beside me on the door step he bows his head, wiping some raindrops from his face before he lifts his eyes to me.

"You know, I could help you with the … with your back again. If you like. You're still applying the gel to it, right?"

"Yes I do but... you really don't have to do this. Thanks."

"Please Jasper, let me help you. I want to. After all, what friends are there for?"

_Friends._

I'm gnawing on the insides of my cheeks, thinking about his offer.

Letting Edward help me in the bathroom of our school is one thing but letting him inside my house is a totally different thing. I'm not sure I want that. I'm not sure I can do that. Even though there are spots I can't reach by myself.

I'm still thinking about it when he grabs my hand and drags me inside the house.

"Alright, alright, don't be so pushy." I pull my hand from his and walk a few steps toward my room before I remember my barely used host manners.

"Do you want something to drink?"

"No, I'm fine, thank you."

"My Dad won't be home till late evening." _Why do I tell him this?_

"Okay." He doesn't ask about my Mum. Everybody knows that I live with my Dad alone.

I see him taking in the surroundings and I feel embarrassment bubbling up inside of me. He's definitely used to higher standards and I wonder what he's thinking right now.

"Ok, uhm, my room is this way." I distract him before he can look around too much. He follows me without a word .

When we enter my room I'm a nervous wreck. This is my safety place. No one but me comes in here, even my Dad hasn't entered this room for months. I feel exposed and vulnerable. I hate it

I drop my bag pack to the floor and toe off my shoes. Edward is making himself busy by looking through my CD and DVD collection. He takes a closer look at my books, absently stroking the covers with his long fingers while he's reading the titles.

Those long, pale fingers. They look so elegant. God, what he could do with these-

"You like Vonnegut?"

_Huh? _I realize he's holding up one of my books and is looking at me expectantly.

"Uhm, yes. You?" _Jesus, Jasper, have you forgotten how to talk in sentences?  
><em>

"Yes. I read almost every book of him. My favourite is _Slaughterhouse Five . _Do you have a favourite?"

"Yeah I, I like W_elcome to the Monkey House_ ."

"Oh yes, that' one is great too." He puts the book back before he turns to me.

"So, where's the ointment?"

_Oh, right, he came here for a reason. _

"I'll get it." I say and reach into the drawer of my night stand, making sure to get the ointment and not the lube I also keep in there.

"Here." I hand it to him and again he's looking at me expectantly.

I just look back and so we're starring at each other for I don't know how long until he smirks and breaks the silence.

"Maybe you should, you know... take your shirt off."

_Oh._

"Errr, yes, right."

I haven't taken off a shirt this clumsy since I was three years old. I almost choke myself with it and when I finally let it drop to the floor I can see that Edward has a hard time holding back a chuckle.

I stand awkwardly before him, don't know where to put my hands and feel the girly urge to wrap them around myself to protect my body from his eyes.

_Man up Jasper, he's seen you before. _

I turn around so that my back is to him and expect him to start but-.

"Why don't you lie down on your bed - on your belly. Maybe this way it will be easier for me to reach your uhm... lower back."

_Makes sense._

"Yes, maybe." So I crawl on my bed and try to make myself comfortable – if that's even possible in my position and my state of mind.

I can feel my bed dip when he get's on it and my skin crawls in anticipation.

Like the first time he starts at my shoulders, his touch gentle and caring. His hands gliding smoothly over my skin, leaving it burning on their way.

It feels good. Much too good. I- can-feel-myself-getting-hard-good.

_Fuck. Now what?_

He slowly strikes down my back, coating every inch of my abused skin with the cool gel and when he reaches my waist I can't hold back a moan. I thank God that at least from his point of view he can't see my traitor cheeks, which are burning with embarrassment. But maybe – hopefully he didn't hear it. I press my face into my pillow, to muffle any other sound that might slip out.

I close my eyes and allow myself to simply enjoy that someone - for whatever reason it might be – takes care of me for a change.

_Friends. _

He said he wants to be my friend.

Not out of pity. Not to make fun of me. But because he likes me.

He just wants to be friends.

And I believe him.

* * *

><p><em><strong>I'm a bit nervous about this chapter, so please tell me what you think about it.<strong>_

_**Thank you =)**_


	9. Ch 9 No bravery

**And I see no bravery  
><strong>

**no bravery **

**in your eyes anymore  
><strong>

**only sadness  
><strong>

**JPOV**

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I'm aware of is the front door closing with a loud bang. I open my eyes and realize that it's already dark outside my window.

Hastily I look around my room but Edward is gone.

Oh my God, I fell asleep while he was here and took care of me. How embarrassing is that?

A glance at my clock tells me that it's almost 8:30 in the evening. I wonder when he left. God, what must he think of me now?

I sit up against my headboard and spot a piece of paper, lying beside my pillow. I pick it up and read it.

_Jasper_

_I didn't want to wake you since you seem to need the sleep._

_I don't know how your Dad thinks about you bringing friends home so I figured I better leave. _

_I hope your back feels a little bit better. _

_See you tomorrow._

_Edward_

Without any further comment, there's a number written under his name, which I assume it's his cell number. Not that I think I would actually call him but I type his number into my phone anyway.

My stomach alerts that it hasn't seen anything to eat since lunch, so I get up, put my shirt back on and make my way to the kitchen for some food hunting.

When I enter the kitchen I see Dad standing at the oven, looking deep in thoughts.

I try to gauge his mood before I clear my throat and walk over to the fridge.

"Hi dad."

Without granting me a glance he just nods and keeps his eyes focused on the oven. The smell of pizza is mouth-watering but dad's taciturnity tells me not to press my luck.

I grab an apple and a soda from the fridge and hurry back to my room.

After I drank the soda and ate half the apple I snuggle back under my blanket, thinking about... my new friend. I play with the idea to text him and thank him for today but then I decide I better thank him in person tomorrow. Gives me an excuse to talk to him.

For the first time in a long time I fall asleep looking forward to the next day.

* * *

><p>"I want you to team up, choose your subject – remember, it has to be one significant event in history - and then you have two weeks to gather everything you can find about it, no matter if it is from history books, movies, novels or old papers. Write down your opinion and your point of view of the event, based on what you found. At the end you both will present your result together. I wish you good luck. And now go ahead, find yourself a partner."<p>

Great, find yourself a partner - right. Well, I'm sure Mr. Molina won't mind if I do this by myself. I always work alone and he never complains. Let's see, what could I -

Suddenly the chair beside me is being pulled out.

Wondering what is going on I look up, only to find bright green eyes and pink lush lips smiling down at me.

He points at my backpack which is placed on the chair.

"Do you mind?"

It takes a moment for me to understand what he means, I'm still confused why he's standing at my table. I grab my backpack and place it at the other side on the ground, turning back to him with a raise eyebrow.

"What are you doing?" I whisper while he sits down on the now empty chair as if this would be an absolute normal thing to do. Doesn't he know that all hell will break loose when he suddenly sits beside me?

"I thought we both could team up." he replies with a big smile but it falters when he sees me frowning. "If you don't mind, that is."

"Do you have any idea how people will start talking about you when you become my partner?"

"Yeah. So?"

"Gee, Edward, don't you care that you'll be the centre of their stupid gossip for days?"

"Well, frankly, I don't give a damn."

I look at him in disbelieve. Who is this guy sitting beside me? I glance around and just like I thought everyone is looking at us, some even staring with their mouth hanging open. I look back at Edward but he doesn't seem to mind our audience.

"So, do you want to be my partner?" he asks and when he smiles at me again I can't help myself, I have to smile back.

"Yes, I'd like that."

When Edward also decides to sit with me at lunch, our growing audience is going nuts. I'm sure most of the people forget to eat completely, treading their food for the entertainment of watching us. I feel like I'm the main attraction of some freak show. I tell Edward so and he throws his head back and laughs out loud – gaining us some more observer. He tells me to pay them no attention and forget that they are there. I agree and silently thank God that it's Friday. With any luck most of them will have forgotten about this on Monday.

"So, what event in history do you wanna write about?" he ask while picking his muffin apart with his long fingers.

"Uhm, I don't know. Do you have something in mind?" I reply, unable to take my eyes from his hands.

_Those hands._

"Not yet, not really. But maybe you'd like to come over after school and we can figure something out?"

The way he says that makes it sound more like a question than an offer but it successfully pulls my attention away from his hands and back to the topic.

"You mean, come over as in coming to your house?"

"Of course Jasper" he laughs "that's what it's suppose to mean."

"Uhm, alright. I can come over I guess."

"Great, that's settled then."

His enthusiasm is both, infectious and frightening. I don't allow myself to get carried away about the fact that he invited me to his home though, I'm too afraid that this fragile bubble will burst any minute.

The rest of the day is a swirl of strange looks, lots of giggling and whispers behind hands which I try to ignore as best as I can.

When we finally arrive at the Cullen's house after school I have to swallow, twice. It's huge. It's fucking huge.

Edward parks the car right in front of it and when we get in I have the feeling that it's even bigger from the inside. Looking around the amazing entry hall I feel small and insignificant, like how you feel when you look at a sky full of stars and realize how unimportant you are in this giant universe.

I make a few steps and look around, there are so many rooms, everything is wide and open and bright. Through one door I can see into what must be the dining room, since it has a giant table in the middle. In another room I can see a beautiful piano and I wonder if Edward can play.

Everything is held in light colours and looks very expensive but somehow still cosy and inviting.

"This way." Edward says and I blush, feeling embarrassed for staring like a child in a candy store.

We're going up the stairs to the first floor where Edward opens a door but stops to let me enter first.

"This is my room." he explains and drops his backpack by the door.

And of course his room is huge too. The walls are painted in a light blue and all his furniture is white. There's a desk in front of a large window, a couch beside it, a shelf that covers a whole wall with a lot of books, CD's and DVD's on it. He has a huge TV, hanging on the opposite wall of a king size bed. I gulp and turn back to Edward who is observing me with a smile on his face.

Again I blush and drop my gaze to my shoes.

"Uhm, why don't we sit down on the couch and get to work?" Edward asks but before I can answer he runs with an "Oh, I forgot" out of the room. I shrug and sit down on the sofa. I take off my shoes before I curl up with my legs pulled under.

A few moments later Edward comes back in with two sodas and a plate with what looks like home-made brownies.

He gives me a soda and puts the plate on the table in front of the couch.

"Help yourself." he encourages while he takes his shoes of and mirrors my position.

I take a brownie and moan when the flavour hits my taste buds.

"God, this is good." I rave and Edward laughs.

He grabs himself a brownie too and leans back on the couch.

"So tell me, what do you think could be interesting enough for us to write about?"

I take another bite of the brownie to get myself some time to think about his question.

"I.. well, I was thinking that maybe... " I mumble around the brownie in my mouth, not really wanting to tell him my thoughts.

"Yes?"

"Well, I was always very interested in the JFK assassination...but I'm sure you have something better we could write about. I don't mind." I trail off, looking down at my hands. I'm sure he won't like it, I'm the only nerd who thinks that this could be interesting.

"No, I love the idea. Let's do it." I look up to see if he's for real but Edward practical beams at me. _Did he just agree to my suggestion?_

"Really?" I have to ask, maybe he misunderstood.

"Of course. I always thought that there was much more going on than what they made the people believe."

I look at him surprised before I agree.

"Yeah me too, I never believed the whole 'Oswald is the only killer' carp."

"No, me neither."

I'm exited that Edward accepts my suggestion and actually likes the idea.

Before long we have 4 pages written with everything we know so far about the history.

"Do you want to come over tomorrow and watch JFK with me?" Edward asks when we finally put our notebooks aside.

"Are you sure? Don't you wanna …I don't know, hang out withyour friends or something?"

"No, I'd like to watch JFK with you and by doing this, I _am_ hanging out with a friend – if you have time."

"You know what I mean." I roll my eyes but smile.

He chuckles. "Yes I know. So, are you busy or …?" he trails off.

I have to laugh at his persistence. "No, I'm not busy and... I'd like to come over and watch the movie with you. Are your parents ok with that?"

"Yes, of course. They are cool."

As on cue there's a knock on Edward's door and when he calls for this someone to get in a beautiful woman enters the room.

"Oh, I didn't know you have a visitor. Hello, I'm Edward's mother, Esme."

I quickly stand up and reach out to shake her hand. She has warm honey-brown eyes and a lovely smile.

"Hello m'am, my name's Jasper, Jasper Whitlock, pleasure to meat you."

"Oh dear Lord, what a gentleman but please, call me Esme. "

"A-alright."

"Are you staying for dinner?"

I glance at Edward and he looks at me with an hopeful expression but I wouldn't feel comfortable to interpose their family time so I do the only thing that comes to mind – I lie.

"Thank you for the offer, m'am – Esme but I have to say no . My Dad's probably already waiting for me with dinner and I better get going now."

I'm too scared to look in either of their eyes, afraid that they will see the lie in mine. I grab my notebook and stuff into my backpack before I sit down again to put my shoes back on.

"Alright dear, maybe another time then. It was nice meeting you." Esme says before she leaves the room again.

I feel horrible for lying at her.

"I'll drive you home." Edward offers and this time I don't even try to decline.

"Alright." I chuckle.

* * *

><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

Where the hell is this annoying nose coming from? And why doesn't anyone stop it? I'm trying to sleep here, God damned.

Oh wait. Is this my cell phone?

With my eyes still closed I reach to my nightstand, fumbling blindly for my cell. When I grab it I answer without even looking who the hell is calling me in the middle of the night.

"Ello?"

There's no answer, all I can hear is someone sniffling.

"Who is this?" I say harshly.

"Edward?... It's... it's J-Jasper." he takes a shuddering breath and is silent again.

I sit up straight in my bed, instantly wide awake.

"Jasper, what is wrong? Are you ok?"

Again no answer, only more sniffling and sobbing.

"Jasper" I try a bit louder, getting more anxious by the second "Jasper, what is wrong, are you ok?"

"No." His voice is so low I can barely hear him.

_Fuck_

"What's going on? Are you hurt?"

More sniffling.

"He hates me."

"Who hates you? Jasper what the fuck is going on?"

He only sobs harder and I'm afraid that mightl hang up.

"Jasper, do you hear me?"

Nothing.

"Jasper?"

"Yes."

Where are you? Are you at home? I'm coming over."

"No!"

"What?"

"No, I'm n-not at home... playground..." the rest of his words goes under between muffled cries and sobs.

"Ok, hold on and stay where you are, I'll be there in 5 minutes." I jump out of my bed, flinching at the cold floor underneath my feet. Tugging the phone between my ear and my shoulder I put my jeans and shoes on and run down the stairs as silently as I can. When I'm at the door I grab my hoodie from the wardrobe and my keys from the table and run out to my car, all the while listening to Jasper crying at the other end of the line.

"Jasper, I'm coming, do you hear me? Don't move, I'm on my way." I shout into the phone.

"kay." comes his answering whisper.

I start my car and drive slowly out of our driveway onto the street to make as less sound as possible. When I'm on the street I speed up immediately. I try to sooth Jasper as best as I can, asking him what happened but he doesn't answer, he just keeps on crying until he's suddenly gone and the line is dead.

"Shit." I yell and slap the steering wheel.

I'm breaking every traffic rule I ever learned but right now, I don't give a shit. I need to get to him as fast as possible and see if he's hurt.

When I arrive at the palyground I jump out of my car and start running until I'm standing right in the middle and realize, I have no idea where he is exactly. The only light comes from a street lamp at the entrance of the playground and I can't see very much.

"Jasper." I whisper-scream in every direction but there's no answer.

I curse loudly and start walking around, shouting for him every few seconds. I'm about to turn to the swings when I hear him. He must be somewhere near the monkey bars.

I quickly walk towards them and as I get closer I can see him. He's sitting with his legs pulled up and his arms around them on the cold ground. His head is resting on his knees and his whole body is shaking with sobs. I crouch down in front of him and carefully place my hand on his shoulder.

"Jasper."

When I touch him his head jerks up and he looks at me like a deer in headlights.

"Jasper, it's me, Edward."

His gaze doesn't leave me for a long moment, his eyes are red and puffy, endless tears are rolling down his cheeks. The loneliness and sorrow in his eyes makes me wanna cry. He looks so lost, I just want to wrap him in my arms. And that's what I do.

I scoot to his side, wrap my arms tightly around his trembling bodyand pull him as close to me as possible. He grabs my arm with both hands and clings to me like I could disappear any minute.

"I'm sorry." he whispers and then he breaks down and starts sobbing uncontrollably.

What is he sorry for? What the hell happened to him?

I tighten my arms around him and whisper in his hair.

"Shhhh, Jasper, it's ok, it's ok. I'm here, you're not alone."

* * *

><p><strong>JPOV<strong>

"Shhhh, Jasper, it's ok, it's ok. I'm here, you're not alone." he continues to soothe me but all I can think about is that he's out here in the cold in the middle of the night instead of lying in his warm and cosy bed where he belongs. And all this because of me. Because I didn't know who else to call, where else to go or what else to do. He was the only one I could think of when I ran out the house.

I can feel his fingers stroking my hair and his lips, pressing soothing kisses to my temple. His left arm is tightly wrapped around my shoulders, trying to protect me from something he doesn't know about.

His right hand is indefatigably wiping the tears from my face but they won't stop and there are too many. Still he doesn't tire to try. I have both my hands clutched around his arm, clinging to him like touching him is the only way to keep me from falling apart. And honestly – it is.

He goes on whispering words of comfort into my skin while his mouth wanders from my temple along my cheek to the corner of my mouth.

In this moment I wouldn't know what to do without him. My dad hates me, almost every kid at school hates me. Everybody hates me. I'm sure after this night even Edward will hate me once he realized how pathetic I am. He won't want to be my friend any longer. He will leave me, I know it. I sob out at that thought and new tears rolling down my raw skin.

Edward cups my cheeks in his hands and turns my face towards him.

"Jasper, look at me." he whispers and I hesitantly obey. When I open my eyes he's a bit blurry and I have to blink a few times to be able to see him clearly.

His thumbs are carefully caressing my cheeks and it feels so comforting, I want to stay in his arms forever.

"I don't hate you. And I will always want to be your friend."

He leans his forehead against mine and I can feel his breath on my face.

"I won't leave you, Jasper." he breathes and then his mouth is on mine.

His lips are so soft, moving gently against mine and sending a tingling feeling running down my spine. I close my eyes and tentatively kiss him back, getting lost in the heat that is spreading from his lips, filling my whole body with warmth and joy.

Until I realize what we are doing.

I pull back to look at Edward. He opens his eyes and the second he sees me they widen in shock.

"Edward, what are you doing?"

* * *

><p><em><strong>Thank you for reading. <strong>_

_**Next chapter: What happened at Jaspers house and more important – how will the boys react after the kiss...? ;)**_


	10. Ch 10 Running up that hill

_**And if I only could**_

_**Make a deal with God**_

* * *

><p><strong>JPOV<strong>

"Oh my god Jasper….. You're bleeding."

"W-what?" I blink at him, dumbfounded, and he keeps staring wide-eyed at my head. I reach up and carefully trace my fingers along my forehead until I feel a warm and moist spot above my temple. It's only then that I also feel it running down my face, soaking the collar of my shirt. When I lower my hand and look down, there's blood on my fingertips.

And, I'm done. I can't see blood.

I can feel the colour draining from my face and I feel dizzy. I stand up, all the while looking at my hand in horror. My breathing accelerates and black spots appear before my eyes.

"Edward, I don't feel that good," I say weakly while the playground starts to dance in circles all around me.

He takes my other hand and finally I'm able to look away from my blood smeared fingers.

"Here, lean on me. I'll help you to my car."

He throws my arm over his shoulder and wraps his around my waist, securing me to his side, giving me a fleeting feeling of a déjà-vu.

"Can you walk?" He asks. I nod and close my eyes, willing the dizziness to go away.

I don't know how we make it to his car, but the next thing I see, is something white fluttering In front of my eyes.

"Jasper?"

"Here."

"I said, press that on the wound so it'll stop the bleeding." I realize that it's a handkerchief he's waving in front of me. Thanking him, I take it and press it carefully to my temple.

"Are you okay?" he asks, concern thick in his voice.

"Mhm." He looks at me skeptically and I don't blame him. I feel far from being okay.

"Where are we going?"

"I'm taking you to my place. I think my dad should have a look at you… your wound."

_Oh no._

"No."

He looks at me as if I've lost my mind, so I hurry to explain.

"I mean, there's really no need to wake him up. I'm sure it'll stop bleeding in a few minutes. Just… give it some time."

"Jasper, seriously, I think my dad should have a look at it. Please let me take you to him. He won't mind, I promise."

I lean my head against the seat and close my eyes for a moment. Well, maybe he's right and someone should take a look at the wound. It's not as if I have many other options, anyway. I swallow before I turn my head to him and open my eyes.

"Okay."

He nods and starts the car.

"Okay."

The drive to Edward's house is short and silent and it's not long before I find myself standing in the Cullen's entryway again, amazed at the beauty of this house. Edward shows me to the dining room and makes me sit down at the large table.

"Just stay here. I'm gonna get my dad."

"Do you really think he won't mind?" I ask nervously but Edward just rolls his eyes and vanishes through the door.

I look around me, feeling somewhat lonely and lost in this huge room. Again, I close my eyes and sink deeper on the chair, trying not to think about the events of this night. I don't want to go there right now. I just want to sit here and rest my weary body for a few minutes. I'm so tired. I feel much older than my 17 years.

I'm startled by a voice speaking right beside me.

"Hello, you must be Jasper. I'm Carlisle Cullen."

A weak "Hi" is all I can come up with when I look at the man before me. He's doubtlessly Edward's dad. He has the same facial features and the same unique eye colour. Only his hair is blond and unlike Edward, he seems to own a comb.

I reach out my hand and after he shakes it, he sits down sideways on the chair beside me so that we're face to face.

"Okay, Edward told me you hit your head after tripping and falling down the stairs and that it's bleeding pretty badly."

_Edward did what? _I look at him in surprise. Obviously he didn't mention neither my phone call nor where he picked me up. I couldn't be more grateful for that. Like he's reading my mind, he nods and winks at me, a small smile tugging at his lips.

"May I have a look?" Dr. Cullen asks, concern lacing his voice, surely caused by my lack of response.

"Uhm, sure." I lift the handkerchief from the wound and try not to look at the blood on it. Before I can even look around to find a place where I can put it, Edward grabs it from me and leaves the room with it.

Dr. Cullen leans a little forward and starts to examine the wound. His hands are soft and caring when he strokes my hair out of the way and turns my head slightly so that he gets a better view.  
>Out of the corner of my eye, I see that Edward is back with a glass of water in his hand, which he places beside me on the table.<p>

When I look up, it's just in time to see him exchanging a strange look with his dad, whereupon Edward slightly shakes his head no.

After a few moments Dr. Cullen's hands are gone and he leans back again.

"Alright, Jasper. I'm going to clean the wound and then I'll have to stitch it up. The cut is deeper than I thought and it won't heal otherwise. I can do it here or, if you prefer, I can take you to the hospital."

_A hospital? No way!_

Shyly, I look at him and mumble, "I'd prefer it you could do it here, Sir."

"Okay. Are there any other wounds you like me to look at? Did you hurt anything else during your fall?"

I don't like this question and I don't like the way he looks at me while asking it. I'm sure he mentioned the fall just for my benefit and it's clear to see that he doesn't believe in this story.  
>"No, that's all," I murmur and look down at my hands in my lap.<p>

"Alright then, I'm just gonna get the necessary implements. I'll be right back. Oh, and Jasper…?"  
>I look up and he smiles at me. "It's Carlisle." He get's up and Edward takes his seat.<p>

"How are you feeling?" He asks, taking the glass of water and handing it to me.

I gratefully take a sip and give him a tentative smile.

"I'm okay. Edward, I'm so sorry that I woke you up. I just…. I didn't…." I trail of, angry at my loss for words.

"It's okay, Jasper, really. Don't worry about it, okay?"

I sigh deeply, still feeling guilty.

"Okay."

"I'm glad that I can help you, so stop apologising?"

"Okay."

"Promise?"

"I'll try." It's the best I can offer him. He laughs at that and then Dr. Cullen is back with a large bowl full of medical stuff.

He puts on some gloves and starts doing all kinds of stuff to the wound until he finally says:  
>"I'm sorry, Jasper, but this is going to hurt a little bit." He's holding a strange looking needle with a black thread on it.<p>

I just nod – I'm sure I've had worse.

Dr. Cullen works quickly and despite his warning, it doesn't hurt too much. It stings a little but unfortunately, I was right – I've had worse.

After the cut is closed and everything is cleaned up, I realize that I have no idea what to do next. I don't want to go back home but I don't really have anywhere to stay, either. And even though I'm almost sure that Dr. Cullen would say yes, I don't want to ask him if could stay here. I don't even know if I want to stay here. It's bad enough that my fucked up life woke up two people in the middle of the night.

I sigh and run my fingers through my hair.

Maybe I could sneak into my room without Dad noticing it. But the thought of going back there has bile rising up my throat and my stomach twisting into a giant knot.

Man up, Jasper. You have to go back eventually.

_But I don't want to, at least not now._

Where else do you have to go?

_I don't know._

I can feel my eyes tearing up and myself on the brink of a break down.

"Dad, is it okay if Jasper stays here tonight?"

_What?_

I can't believe my ears. I look up at Edward but his attention is on his father. Did he seriously ask if I could spend the night here?

Do I want to stay?

Do I want to leave?

Dr. Cullen gives me a short glance before he turns his attention back to Edward.

_Please say no._

_Please say yes._

"No problem, son, but we have to call his parents. Even though it's late at night, they will be worried when he's not at home in the morning."

_Fuck._

"Uhm, that's okay, Sir, my dad won't mind." I try to put on my best reassuring face and he looks at me for a few long moments. His intense stare is unnerving and I start to think of another excuse why we can't call my dad when he places a hand on my shoulder, successfully interrupting my thoughts.

"I guess it's okay if you call your dad in the morning. Now off to bed you two. Jasper, if you start to feel dizzy or get a headache, please let me know immediately. Have a good night, boys." He pets Edward on the shoulder in passing and leaves the room.

I stare at the door he just left through before I turn back to Edward.

"Your dad is cool."

"Yes, he is."

"For the last time, I am not gonna let you sleep on the couch in your own house. It's either I sleep on the couch or I won't sleep at all."

We've been having this "argument" since we got to Edward's room, but I won't back down. I am not kicking him out of his bed. Sooner or later, he has to accept that and give in.

"Alright, alright, the couch it is for you then," he sighs, obviously not satisfied with his defeat.

I smile smugly and he throws some pyjamas and a t-shirt at me. I catch them and then stand awkwardly before him.

"You, uhm, you can change in the bathroom…. It's the second door on the right." He clears his throat before throwing another pair of pyjamas onto his bed.

I make my way to the bathroom and silently close the door behind me. I walk to the sink and put the clothes down beside it.

When I look at myself in the mirror, I want to weep.

The boy in the mirror looks horrible with the fading black eye, the red cheek, and the stitches above the temple.

I let my head fall between my shoulders and close my eyes.

The day plays like a movie behind my closed eyes and I'm unable to stop the flow of pictures.

Mike, Edward, Alice, my dad, Edward, Dr. Cullen. And then one picture sticks out like a giant flashing sign.

_The kiss._

Edward kissed me.

How could I forget that?

I lift my head and look at my lips in the mirror.

Why the hell would he kiss me? He's not gay. Not that I know of, anyway. I remember him going out with Bella Swan last year. They were a couple for quite a few months. And I heard her telling the other girls that he would be the best she ever had in bed. So, definitely not gay. Maybe bi? Nah, I would have heard about that. Gee, the whole school would know about that.

So if he isn't gay or bi then why-

And then it clicks and suddenly it all makes sense.

It's a game. It was _all _a game.

Of course.

A joke.

And I fell for it.

Maybe they were planning this for weeks. Newton, Hunter and … Edward. Maybe they had suspicions about me being gay but weren't sure. So they sent Alice to check and to find out for sure… and me, the idiot, I didn't deny it.

_"I heard a little story about you and I'm here to see if it's true."_

Of course she would deny it when I asked her if she said something.

And I believed her.

And then he kissed me. And I kissed him back.

Oh my god. What did I do?

I feel new tears running down my cheeks. I bet he already sent texts, telling all of them that he was victorious, about how the fag actually kissed him back. I wish the ground to open and swallow me whole.

How could he do this to me?

Why? What have I ever done to him?

I grab the pyjamas and the shirt and rush back to Edward's room. When I open the door, he isn't there. I throw the clothes on his bed and put my shoes and my jacket back on.  
>I'm not gonna stay here any longer but I want answers ,so I lean against the wall, opposite from the door and wait for him.<p>

When he opens the door, his eyes fly to me, taking in the way I'm dressed and my defensive posture.

He looks confused and almost … sad. But I'm no longer a part of this game. I'm no longer gonna fall to his lies. So when he starts to speak, I interrupt him immediately.

"Jasper, what-"

"Edward, why did you kiss me?"

* * *

><p><em><strong>So, who hates me now? ;) <strong>_

_**Don't worry, next chapter is all about the boys – and the kiss. **_

_**I know I said that this chapter we would find out what happened at Jaspers house but I found a better way to tell you – and Edward – at the same time ;)**_


	11. Ch 11 All that I am

_**I am the one winged bird for flying**_

_**Sinking quickly to the ground**_

_**See your faith in me subsiding**_

_**See you prime for giving in**_

_**I give you all that I am**_

* * *

><p>"<em>Edward, why did you kiss me?"<em>

**EPOV**

_Fuck._

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

He's leaning against the wall across the room, his arms crossed over his chest and his whole posture is tense. The look in his eyes is furious and I can tell he's down right pissed.

But why? And most important - what am I going to answer him now? I can't tell him the truth, at least not all of it. I still don't know about his sexual preferences and if he's straight I might scare him away. And the way he looks at me doesn't seem like he's very fond of the kiss.

And even if he would be gay, that doesn't mean that he likes me too.  
>And on top of that, he really has enough problems to deal with right now and me idiot only added another one.<p>

But I have to at least tell him that I'm gay. If he hasn't figured that out by himself by now, since what I did wasn't exactly a straight boy's behaviour.

I can see that he's getting angrier with every minute that I don't answer him.

Angry Jasper is kind of sexy – if his anger wouldn't be aimed at me that is. I'm afraid that whatever I say, will be the wrong thing and cause him to leave.

I gulp and take a step in his direction, thinking of the right words to start with.

"I'm sorry." His face tells me immediately that this wasn't the right words. At all.

"And what are you sorry about exactly? The kiss itself or the reason behind it?"

"The… the reason behind it? I don't understand."

He huffs annoyed and crosses his feet.

"I just want you to tell me the reason why you kissed me."

I don't understand why he is so angry. What reason is he talking about? Does he suspect that I like him? Does he hate me for it? Is he a homophobe?

"What do _you _think is the reason behind it?"

He takes a deep breath and looks even more pissed than before.

"I'm no longer part of your games you know. I'm no longer your puppet. I know you or Newton or Hunter or who the fuck ever, figured out that I'm gay. But I guess you weren't sure so you sent Alice to check it for you. She did a great job by the way. But not as good as you. You were outstanding. I really believed you. All your talking about wanting to be friends with me and driving me home and saving me from Newton. Was that little act part of the plan too? To make me believe you?"

I'm shocked by his words.

"That's not true." I try to defend myself but he doesn't even listen.

"Well, you got me. I believed you. And the kiss? Was that the goal of the whole set-up? A new source for jokes? Or did you want to make sure by yourself? Well yes, you all guessed right. I am gay."

He's no longer leaning against the wall, instead he stands only a few feet away from me, his arms hanging at his sides, his hands clenched into fists. He is breathing hard and there's a storm raging untamed in his eyes.

"I always knew you hated me, though I never understood why."

"How can you say that?" I ask breathlessly.

"It's easy, it's the truth."

"No it isn't."

"How can _you _say that? You made fun of me from the first day on. But in spite of this knowledge and against my better judgement I was beginning to trust you. Ha!"

Angry tears rolling down his cheeks now and his whole body is trembling.

"But I tell you what, I won't be the receiving end of your games any longer. I'm sick and tired of it."

He angrily wipes his eyes with this sleeve, all the while berating himself for being so stupid. I'm so shocked at what I just heard; I'm at a loss for words.

"Jasper, please…."

"Was it hard to kiss me? Did it take much to bring yourself to do it? Was it nasty?" he spats.

I shake my head but he doesn't see.

"Why? Why are you doing this? What have I ever done to you?" He sobs burying his face behind his hands.

I'm trying to rectify his words, to tell him that he got it all wrong but he doesn't listen to me, he's so absorbed in his rage and desperation that he doesn't even hear me, doesn't even realize that I'm talking to him.

It's breaking my heart to see him like this, to listen to all these bad things that he believes is the truth.

I'm starting to get anxious because I don't know what to do, how to calm him, how to make him listen to me, how to stop his angry rambling.

When he tugs roughly at his waves with both hands I do the only thing that I can think of.

I stalk towards him, grab him by his shoulders and press him with his back against the wall. I don't give him a second to recover; instead, as soon as he lifts his head, I put my hands on his cheeks and press my mouth to his and… kiss him. With all that I am.

"Hmpf." He tries to struggle free but I just press my lips harder onto his. His hands are pushing against my chest and his mouth is hard and adamant.

But I'm desperate and I can't give up now, I have to make him understand. But I don't like forcing myself on him either.

I let my hands fall from his face to his shoulders without any pressure and softly brush my lips against his a few times, hoping that he will understand.

And then suddenly Jasper goes limp. His hands are falling from my chest, his shoulders slump under my touch and his hard mouth becomes soft under my lips.

I take a step back, my hands still on his shoulders and look at him, brows furrowed and breathing hard.

He's looking me straight in the eyes and what I find in his crystal blue depths makes me shiver.

The angry storm that had been raging only a few moments ago is gone and what's left, is nothing but pure, unadulterated sadness. Silent tears are running down his face and his long lashes are sticking together.

"Why are you doing this?" he barely whispers, his voice hoarse and flat. He blinks and another tear makes it's way down his face. I catch it with my thumb and wipe it away.

"Because I like you."

I can see the disbelief written all over his face and I can't hold myself back any longer. I can't stand this hopelessness in his eyes.

"Jasper, all the things you said… I can't believe that that's how you see me. That you really think I could do something so cruel. I…. I…. " I huff, trying to gather my jumbled thoughts.

"There is no game. I'm not playing with you and everything I told you was the truth. I don't know how to make you believe me, how to make you see that I really like you… that I care for you and that I don't want to hurt you. I hate seeing you hurting. I … I could never hurt you."

I look down, not knowing what else I could say.

"You… really…like me?" His voice is so quiet and soft, if I wouldn't stand so close, I would have missed his question.

My eyes are searching his, hoping that he will see the truth in them.

"Yes."

"And you really want to be my friend?"

"Yes."

"So did you kiss me because you like me …as a friend?"

"Uhm… no. I – I think I like you more than just as a friend."

"Hmmm."

_Hmmm?_

He doesn't say anything after this and I'm starting to get nervous.  
>"Jasper, why did <em>you <em>kiss me?"

"Because you kissed me." Is his prompt reply.

_Oh._

I realize that my hands on his shoulders are still pressing him against the wall, although lightly.

I lower my arms and take a step back, watching my feet as I do so.

"So… you just kissed me, because I kissed you?"

"No. Well, not only."

I look up at him with new hope and although his face is soft, his eyes are still guarded.

"Why else?" I rasp and clear my throat.

The look in his eyes is so intense; I couldn't look away even if I tried to.

"Because I like you too." He finally whispers and the softest of smiles appears on his face.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Tell me what you think.<em> **


	12. Ch 12 When the walls come tumbling down

_**Just let me hold you while you're falling apart**_

_**Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down**_

* * *

><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

Facing each other we're sitting half Indian style with one leg pulled under and the other dangling off the couch. Our knees touching and our sides resting against the back of the couch. Finally dressed into our sleep pants and t-shirts we decided that it's time to talk and remove all falsehoods and wrong accusations.

Lost in thoughts his gaze lingers on the couch table, while I'm watching his profile, thinking about his words.

"_I like you too."_

The answering smile I gave him was so wide, it hurt my face.

_He likes me too_.

I still smile when I think of his face which finally lost its tension to make room for his seldom shown dimples.

Since I asked him to tell me what happened tonight he's deep in thoughts, maybe pondering how to start.

I know it isn't easy for him to talk about it and that he would rather not do it but when I assured him that I won't tell anyone, he finally gave in and nodded. I'm anxious about what he might tell me, unsure if I can handle it myself - if I can be strong enough to help him.

"I never saw him like that." his low, weak voice suddenly breaks the silence. "I mean, he's angry almost all the time but this time was different."

I have an idea who he's talking about but I don't want to interrupt him, now that he's finally found the strength to talk.

"I realized it immediately when I saw him – that it was worse. I just… I didn't know how worse it was. I guess I thought it would pass after a while – it always does. I would just go into my room so he won't see me anymore and the next morning it would be over. " Closing his eyes he stays quiet for too many seconds

"Jazz?" I reach out and take his hand, he looks at me as if he just realized that I'm in the room. His brows are furrowed and there's too much moisture in his eyes.

"He said he hates me, because without me mom would be still alive."

"What do you mean?"

"My mother died when I was born... they tried everything but they couldn't save her. I.. I don't know what it was – why she died but my father never got over her death and …well, it's me he has blamed for her death ever since.

I can't believe what I'm hearing. What father would do something like that?

"He was so angry, so angry. The things he said to me…I tried to get past him, into my room but he grabbed me by my collar and threw me to the floor. He punched and hit me on the head, in my stomach, my ribs, arms, everywhere he could reach. He was so furious and I… I was so scared. He yelled at me, called me every name in the book. He said he wished I would have died instead of her, he... he."

He starts crying again and I tug at his hand until he gives in and lets me drag him with me till I lie down on my back with him beside me, his head on my shoulder, his hand still in mine.

He's crying silently and the tears are soaking through my shirt but I couldn't care less.  
>My free hand is around his waist and I start rubbing his back, trying to sooth him as best as I can until he winces slightly and I remember what's under his shirt.<p>

_Shit._

"Jazz… your back… he did that, right?"

His head burrows into my neck and I know I'm right even before I can feel him nod.

"This wasn't the first time he did that, wasn't it?"

Again I feel his head moving.

"I'm so ashamed." He whispers.

I burry my hand into his curls and run my fingers through his silky strands before I lean my cheek against the side of his head.  
>"There's no reason for you to be ashamed. The only one who should be ashamed is this cheap excuse of a father. How can he do this to his own child? Worse enough that he blames you for your mother's death but to punish you for it, to take his rage out on you….. That is pathetic and cruel and I'm so angry for what he's putting you though I could go and beat him up for that. Goddamned."<p>

My voice is getting louder with each word until I feel his body tense and I instantly regret my outburst. He doesn't need more anger in his life, what he needs now is compassion. And a friend.

I wrap my arms tighter around him and kiss the crown of his head.

"I'm sorry, Jazz. I didn't mean to scare you. I just...It's not fair of your father and … I hate seeing you hurting."

He half turns and nuzzles his face deeper into my neck, his tears hot and wet on my skin.

"I always hoped that somewhere, deep down, he would feel a little love for me... but he hates me. He really hates me. If I wouldn't have had the advantage of him being drunk I don't know what would have happened. The way he looked at me... like he wanted to ... to…but he slipped and I could break free. And then I ran, I just ran, not caring where I was going until it was dark. And then I found myself on the playground. I didn't know what to do, who else to call...I…I felt so alone." the last words are interrupted by shaky breaths and I can feel my own eyes beginning to tear up.

"I'm here Jasper, I won't go away. You are not alone. It was right to call me."

I softly cup his cheek and lift his face; I need him to see me.

"I won't leave you alone. I'll get through this with you. If you let me."

He doesn't say a word, his eyes are closed and he looks beyond exhausted.

"Jasper, will you let me help you?"

He finally opens his eyes and his gaze seems to pierce through me until it reaches my very core. I don't know what he's looking for. Maybe he's still not sure if he should trust me and after all I just heard, I don't blame him. I keep my eyes locked with his, hoping that he will see the truth in them.

Eventually he takes a deep, wavering breath, and nods slowly.

"Yes."

Relief flows through me and a great wave of happiness. He trust me enough to let me help him.

He places his head back onto my shoulder and it's almost ridiculous how right and familiar that feels. As if he has been doing this forever. The feeling of him being pressed against me is amazing.

He tells me more about his daily life with his father, about the abuse, though I'm sure he edits a lot for my sake. When he's finished I find myself tracing idly patterns on his shoulders with my free hand. My other one is still curled around his.

"I think we should tell my dad about it."

His head shoots up and there's concern in his eyes, he furrows his brow and bites his lower lip, clearly unsure if he wants' to take that step which would mean trusting yet another person.

"I don't know. Is that really necessary? I .. I hate being a burden and tonight I am already one. And…I don't want people to know about my life."

"You are no burden, Jasper. Not for me and not for my parents. I just want to help you and so does my dad. Just think about it, ok?"

He nods but doesn't say anything.

"I think my dad could really help. Working in the ER he gets in touch with a lot of different people..." I trail off, hoping that he gets my drift and when he inhales audibly I know he did.

"Alright." He finally agrees, placing his elbow beside my head and leaning his head into his hand, he looks down at me. "Can we please talk about something else? I don't want to talk about my fucked-up life any more."

"Of course. What do you want to talk about?"

"I want to ask you something."

"Okay, go ahead, you can ask me anything."

"Since when?"

"What?"

"Since when do you like me?"

I gulp. I didn't expect that question. Not sure if I should tell him the truth I run my fingers through my hair. But I can't lie to him.

"Will you promise me not to freak out?"

"Edward, today I've been beaten-up, I ran away from home in the middle of the night and I've been kissed for the first time – by none other than Edward Cullen– I think it's safe to say that there's little left which could make me freak out."

I smile at him and tell him the truth despite my fear.

"Since you entered class the very first day."

The look on his face is priceless and I have a hard time holding back my laughter.

"You... what... really... I ...really?"

I give in and laugh while tugging a wayward curl behind his ear. I love that he doesn't flinch away from my touch and that this little gesture seems to be as natural for him as it is for me.

"Yes, really."

"But this first day, when I passed your table…I heard you saying it, you know?" his face falls while he thinks back to this first day.

"What do you mean?"

"You called me a redneck." He whispers.

I sigh, remembering clearly this moment and the expression on his face when he looked up at me.

"That wasn't me. That was Mike."

"Oh." He lowers his gaze and seems to be deep in thoughts for a few moments before a smile spreads on his face.

"What?" I ask.

"I'm just happy that it wasn't you, that's all." he explains and snuggles back into my side. God, I could lie like this with him forever.

"I'm sorry I never clarified that, Jazz. I was afraid that you thought it was me."

He nods and places his hand back in mine.

"I like it when you call me Jazz. No one ever called me anything else but Jasper… or Whitlock."

I smile and let my head fall against his.

We've come a long way from Whitlock to Jazz.

Suddenly he pulls back, an unreadable expression on his face. His eyes searching mine until his gaze drops to my mouth.

I wait patiently for him to tell me what's on his mind.

He looks longingly at my lips but doesn't say anything … so I do it.

"Jasper, can I kiss you again?"

* * *

><p><strong><em>Please let me know what you think.<em> **


	13. Ch 13 Wonderwall

**Because maybe**

**You're gonna be the one that saves me**

**JPOV**

He likes me.

He. Likes. Me. Those three words are running around in my head on a loop. I hear nothing else he's saying.

He likes me.

And he kissed me. And it felt so good. And I want more.

We change into our nightwear. I once again go to the bathroom to change. When I put his shirt over my head I inhale deeply. It smells like him and I bring the fabric to my nose to take another deep breath. When I look up I catch myself in the mirror and see something I haven't seen in ages - my mirror image smiles at me. I tilt my head and smile back, his dimples are deepening and I have a hard time to restrain the urge to wink at myself.

When I get back to Edward's room he's sitting on his couch and I join him. I know he wants me to tell him what happened – not just today - and I don't know if I can do this, I don't even know where to start. But he's patient and comforting and so I finally just tell him everything.

I think back to what happened this evening, pieces of my dad's harsh words and yelled accusations are running through my head.

_"You little piece of shit. …. It's all your fault. …. If I had only known... would have never get you...destroyed everything... not worth it..."_

I start crying, the events of this evening, this week, this year, of my whole life finally taking it's toll.

Edward holds me, his arms securely wrapped around me while I tell him everything and keep on crying into his neck, leaving his shirt and skin wet from my tears.

But he doesn't mind. He just holds me and tells me that none of what happened is my fault and that he would be there for me – if I let him.

When he says that we should tell his dad, that his dad knows certain people, I freeze. I know exactly what kind of people he means and I have to fight against the sudden lump in my throat. I don't want to be taken away from my home and get into foster care, even if it's only for the little time till I'm 18. What if I'll end up on the other side of the country? I don't want to leave, not now that I've finally found a friend. Now that I just found Edward. I don't want to start new again somewhere. But I can't stay with my dad either, if nothing else, tonight's events have made that clear. I feel myself on the verge of a panic attack, not knowing what to do now. Realizing that it probably is the best, I agree to talk to his dad.

When I ask him since when he likes me and he answers since my first day at Forks High I'm seriously at a loss for words. For a moment I don't believe him but the look on his face is so sincere... it can't be a lie. The feeling of joy that's running through me is nothing compared to the relief I feel when I find out, that he never insulted me, that the cruel words weren't his that first day. I make a mental note to ask him about all the other stuff I heard about him, which, in retrospect, doesn't sound like him at all.

I prop myself up onto my elbow and look at his beautiful face. I want to kiss him. So badly. But I don't dare to ask because I don't know if he would want me to kiss him. I plead with my eyes for him to make the first step just one more time - if he wants me too.

_Please, want me. Please, help me._

And then he does.

"Jasper, can I kiss you again?"

"Please."

And this time he leans in slowly, his eyes flickering from my mouth to my eyes and back before his delicious lips are on mine.

_Bliss._

This time our mouths are moving gently against each other, his lips are so warm and soft, I don't ever want to stop. My hand slides from his shoulder to his waist.

He shivers and then he opens his mouth and his tongue taps against my lower lip, asking for entrance and I happily oblige. I open my mouth and his tongue slips between my lips, seeking out the warmth of my mouth. I tentatively press my own tongue against his and the second they meet I can feel myself getting hard. I moan into his mouth and feel my cheeks heating up from the sound I made. Obviously he likes it because his hand buries itself into my curls and he opens his mouth wider, deepening the kiss by pushing his tongue more forcefully against mine.

Our tongues are dancing together, caressing and playing with each other. He tastes like cinnamon and milk, I can't get enough.

Slowly, to not break our kiss, I let myself fall back so we're both lying on our sides. He wraps his arm around me and presses me against him so that our chest are touching. I bury my other hand in his copper mess and tilt my head, granting us both a better access. He places his outstretched hand on my lower back and I can feel the heat from his skin seeping through my shirt.

I feel myself getting dizzy again but this time it's a good dizziness, like falling from this world, so I grab his shirt in my fist, pressing his upper body against mine but carefully keeping my groin away from his.

The lack of oxygen makes me end the kiss much too soon for my liking and I lean a bit back to get a better look at him. He smiles and slowly opens his eyes

"I can't tell you how glad I am that I went into this washroom that day."

"Why?" I ask, still dizzy from this amazing kiss.

"I might would have never had the courage to talk to you if you hadn't needed my help"

"Oh." Is all I manage to answer. And despite the whole fucking rest that brought me to this washroom, I'm happy too.

"You're beautiful, do you know that?" He says, his palm cradling my face.

"Don't say that."

"Why not?"

"It makes me blush."

"Good." He smiles and I just have to lean in and kiss him again.

He slides his knee between mine and I enjoy the feeling of having his body pressed against me, his tongue brushing mine, his thumbs stroking my cheek bones.

We're kissing for long moments, languid, slow. When he breaks our kiss this time I cup his cheek with my hand and trace his lips with my thumb.

His fingers slide up the back of my neck, tangling in my hair, and I can feel longing and need in his touch.

We're just watching each other, tracing the face of the other with our eyes.

And then I bury my face into the couch cushion and - yawn. I hear Edward chuckle and pretend to look offended when I turn my face back to him, what only makes him laugh outright. I can't keep my straight face and laugh with him.

"You should sleep, it's late and you're exhausted." He says and starts to move.

My face falls, I don't wanna let him go now, it feels so good to have him by my side.

He seems to read my thoughts when he says. "Don't worry, I'm not gonna leave, I'll stay right here."

And he does. Reaching over and grabbing the blanket from the other end of the sofa, he places it over us and lies back beside me.

He claps his hands together two times and the light goes off, covering the room in darkness. The only light comes from the full moon that shines through Edwards's window.

"Good night, Jasper, sleep well." He whispers.

"Good night, Edward." I whisper back and he places a last kiss on my forehead before I turn around, facing the back of the couch. With his chest pressed against my back and his strong arms wrapped around me, I feel warm and cosy and …. protected.

"I like the way you make me feel."

"How do I make you feel?"

"Safe."

* * *

><p><em>Red.<em>

Why is it so red?

I turn my head but the bright red colour behind my closed eyelids won't go away.

I want to sleep but it's too...red.

I slowly open my eyes only to close them again immediately.

Sunlight. That explains why. No wait, that doesn't explain anything

The sun doesn't shine through my window in the morning, only in the afternoon. I blink again but there's no mistaking it.

Glaring sunlight.

That doesn't make sense.

And while I'm at it, why can't I move my right arm - or my right leg? And what is it that is pressing into my-

I'm wide awake with a start, lifting my head, looking frantically around me. I have to shield my eyes from the glaring sunlight as I look down my body. There are two more legs than there normally are and one of them is right between mine. I let my eyes travel up and what's pressing into my groin is – another groin. Well, all I can see is a sexy, pyjama pants covered ass but it's resting right on top of my thigh. An arm , that's also not mine, is lying over my belly and when I turn my head I see a mop of copper hair, standing in all possible directions, tickling my nose. But what's taking my breath away is the face right below it. It looks peaceful and just stunning beautiful.

_And he called _me_ beautiful. Pft._

His ridiculously long lashes are throwing endless shadows over his cheeks. His eyes are moving behind his eyelids, I think he's dreaming.

I lift my free hand and carefully trace his eyebrow with my fingertip.

I enjoy just lying here and watching him, I could spend the rest of the day like this, until he moves and pressed his morning wood even deeper into my own, reminding me why I can't stay like this.

He moans and presses his head into my neck, his hand grips my waist and he rocks his hips against me once, twice and then he's still again. I bite my lower lip to keep myself from growling in frustration.

I glance at him but he's fast asleep again, absolutely oblivious to what he's doing to me. .

My dick aches and I don't know if I should laugh or cry. I decide to go for plan c and try to wake him up.

"Edward?"

Nothing.

"Edward?" I try again a little louder.

Nothing.

"Edward!" I shake him carefully and this time I get an reaction.

"Mmpf." Comes a muffled sound from the hollow of my throat.

Well, it's a start.

He nuzzles his face deeper into my neck and his breaths, on the spot behind my ear, are sending shivers down my spine.

"Edward, please, you… you have to get up." I roll my eyes when I realize what I just said and try another tactic.

I press my hand against his shoulder and thankfully he finally turns onto his back with a startled

"Huh, whatsup?"

I have to laugh at that and the comparatively loud sound in the silent room wakes him up fully. He looks around for a second before his eyes land on me and a beautiful smile decorates his face.

"Good morning Jazz." He murmurs, placing one arm over his eyes to shield them from the sunlight.

"Good morning Edward." I still chuckle and turn toward him.

He lifts his arm to look at me.

"Did you sleep well?"

"Best sleep I had in years." I answer honestly and place my head closer to his on the cushion.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Thank you for reading. How about some more alone time for the boys next chapter? ;)<em>**


	14. Ch 14 Little Wonders

_**No beta, please be kind ;)**_

* * *

><p><strong>JPOV<strong>

Edward is gone to the grocery store to buy some things for his mother for dinner and I've been pacing his room for the last twenty minutes, gathering my courage to go and talk to Mr. Cullen. I know Edward wanted to go with me and will probably be hurt when he hears that I talked to his dad without him but for some reason I want to talk to him alone.

It's not that I don't trust Edward I just feel more comfortable doing this on my own. And who knows what kind of questions his dad will ask me. I really don't want Edward to know the extend of my daily life with Dad.

Sighing and admitting to myself that there's no sense in postponing this any longer, I open the door and make my way to find Mr. Cullen.

I find him reading in the living room, looking up at me when he hears me entering.

"Uhm, Dr. Cullen, I was wondering if you had a few minutes to spend?"

"Of course Jasper and please, call me Carlisle."

_Oh, right._

"Carlisle - I ... there's something I'd like to talk about with you."

"Let's go to my office then, shall we?"

He gets up and I follow him, my heart pounding wilder with every step that I take. When he opens the door to his office I'm out of breath and only a second short of a panic attack.

"Jasper, calm down. There's nothing to worry about."

I manage to croak an "alright" and walk over to the chair he offers me. He leans down to take a look at the wound on my head.

"Despite the depth, it seems to heal pretty good, I don't think the scar will be very visible." He straightens up again and takes the seat behind his giant desk, looking at me expectantly.

I know I have to say something now, that's why we're here – what I asked him for in the first place.

But now that I'm sitting here before him, I feel my nerves speaking up, telling me to just forget about it.

"Jasper, take your time and remember, whatever you tell me will stay in this room. And don't worry, I won't judge you."

I nod, thankful for his patience. I figure I won't find the right words to start this so I just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.

"You were right yesterday… when you asked me if I hurt somewhere else. I... I do actually and maybe… maybe you could take a look on that too."

"Of course I'll have a look. Where else are you hurting?"

I stand up, my legs are trembling and I feel that I'm losing my nerves. Taking a deep, shuddering breath I reach for the hem of my shirt, lift it over my head and turn around.

I don't hear him getting up from his place, nor do I hear him walking around the desk. But I feel his presence behind me and befor his hand touches my shoulder.

The tears are falling without warning and I'm shaking from the effort of trying to hold myself together but it's useless, the tears won't stop and I'm crying helplessly.

The hand on my shoulder tugs at me till I turn around and then I'm sobbing uncontrollably into Dr. Cullen's Shirt.

"Jasper, why didn't you tell me yesterday? I could feel that there was something wrong but I had no idea that it's that bad."

"I'm sorry, I just couldn't..." I sob out, unable to stop the stream of tears.

I lean against him till the tears run dry and I get myself somewhat under control again.

Taking a step back and look at him embarrassed. This is really not how I wanted this to talk to turn out.

"You don't need to be sorry for anything, Jasper." he says firmly but his eyes are full of worry. "Now, please turn around again so I can take a closer look and see what will be the best way to treat you back."

I do as he says, drying the tears with the shirt I still hold in my hands while he looks at my back.

"Alright, I have something we can put on your back, it'll lessen the pain and speed up the healing process."

Just like his son, he rubs the ointment onto my back with great ministration, the only difference is, that his hands are professional, clinical and Edward's were... mmm. I sigh deeply at the memory of Edward's hands on me.

"Sorry, did I hurt you?"

"What? Oh... no. No, I'm fine. "

"We're done." He says eventually and walks over to the little basin in the corner, washing his hands before he sits down behind his desk again.

I grab my shirt and put it back on, sitting down in the same seat as before.

"So Jasper... these injuries, they are not from yesterday. Well, not all of them at least." He pauses, giving me a meaningful look.

"No, they are not." I whisper.

"Talk to me, please."

"They are older, some of them a few years older. I..." I'm unable to go on, to tell him that the person who should love me the most is the reason for all of this.

"Who does this to you Jasper?"

"My... my dad." I say quietly, unable to look at him.

"I suspected something like that but I was hoping that I'm wrong. Jasper, there's no need to be ashamed. This is not your fault, you did nothing wrong."

"But I did." I cry out. "I killed my mother. She had to die because of me. She died at my birth and if it wasn't for me, she would be still alive."

"Oh my god."

He's up from his chair and kneeling beside me before I can even comprehend what's going on, grabbing my hands and tugging on them till I look at him.

"Listen to me now. For whatever reason your mother died during your birth, it wasn't because of you. It was _not _your fault. To think like this is ansolutely wrong."

"But that's what he's saying."

"Oh Jasper."

He puts his arm around me, pulling me up and over to the couch where he sits down beside me, his arm still around my shoulders.

"I think it's time you tell me everything."

And I do. I tell him everything, even the things I was afraid to tell Edward. I tell him about my life with my father, how he's treating me since I was a little child, how it got worse when grandma died, about the beating, his drinking - everything.

He listens patiently, never interrupting me. I don't know the last time I talked this much but it feels good to tell him.

"And how do you feel now?"

"I'm scared." I confess quietly.

"Did you call your father today... to tell him where you are?"

"No, there's no need to do that. He doesn't care."

"So he didn't call you either?"

"He doesn't have my cell number."

"I see."

"I don't want to go back. " I whisper, more to myself than to him but of course her hears me.

He sighs deeply, his forehead furrowing with worry lines. He just looks at me for endless moments before he speaks again.

"Alright Jasper, the problem is, as much as I - and surely Esme and Edward also - would welcome it, you can't just move in here and live with us, it's not that simple. Your dad is your legal guardian until you're eighteen."

I just nod, I knew I had to go back to him so it's no big surprise for me but I'm disappointed nonetheless. I feel good here, safe and... cared for. I don't want to leave but i know I have to.

"But-"

_Huh?_

"You're very welcome to visit us – as long as you want - if you get what I mean." He winks.

_What?_

"I'll go and ask Esme to arrange the guest room for you. But even though it's the _guest _room - I want you to feel at home here, Jasper, and if there's anything we can do to help you - just let us know, okay?"

I'm still too shocked to say anything so I just nod stupidly.

"You are not alone, Jasper, do you understand?"

Again only a stupid nod.

He chuckles and leaves the room, calling for Esme on his way out.

I'm sitting on the couch for a few more minutes, staring at nothing, trying to comprehend everything that just happened and what Dr. Cullen - oops, Carlisle - just offered me.

I can't believe that I should be this lucky. Me. Edward really has the best Dad in the world.

Someone clears his throat and when I look up I find Edward leaning in the doorway.

I jump up, run to him and he catches me in his arms. I wrap my arms around him too and burry my face in his neck.

"Hey Jazz, are you alright?"

"Yes, yes I am."

* * *

><p><em><strong>I know it's been a long time since my last update - sorry for that. However, please let me know what you think. Thank you.<strong>_


End file.
